i should really just delete this blog of mine. i have neither a working desktop or laptop at home and it's been two whole months since i last updated. even that wasn't a real update.
i just have a lot on my plate this past few months.
i just broke up with my boyfriend. like finally. yet i cant forget him as of yet 'cos he owes me money. he says he'll pay bit by bit starting next month but we'll see about that.
my grandma is in hospital cos she fell in the toilet, she's recovering. that i'm glad about, a little spot of sunshine in my rather dark life this past few months.
work for me is getting more and more annoying, ridiculously so. if i had higher qualifications i would have left long ago but alas, i have only a higher nitec cert and most private companies prefer diplomas. this made me want to further my studies. take up a pharmaceutical sciences course or somewhere along those lines but the course fee for a foundation cert plus a degree course will need me to save up at least 50k. that is way too much even for me. i can save up for the foundation studies but for the degree itself, would take me years.
familial responsibilities have also played a part in my decision to postpone my studies. even though my parents have no problem with me wanting to further my studies, i just feel bad 'cos they'll have to work slightly longer so as to help financially if i ever need it and that's the thing i most want not to happen at all.
i just can't stand working at my current workplace anymore. that's the main reason why i'm finally deciding to continue my studies.
thank goodness my parents will never nag about marriage to me, no pressure there and after the last relationship. i'm definitely not going to get attached anytime soon. its about time i love myself instead of loving someone who does not deserve any ounce of it. he made me feel and look like an idiot for 3 whole years.
father is recovering from a knee injury and has not work for almost two whole months. he wants to change jobs but his supervisor won't let him 'cos he is their most valuable and best worker. i hope they can find a solution for him if they want father to stay long.
what else is new eh, i'm not talking to my sister, for real. not unless she changes and stops being selfish. she may not realise or notice at all but she is still selfish. i guess i couldn't take it anymore seeing her behave that way, i feel disappointed that i wasn't a better role model for her. it got me very disappointed that at her age she's not mature yet. whatever lah okay, as long as she's happy being that way then i'll no longer try to interfere and change her. talking to her will make it more worse and i find that i have a brief respite of tension to deal with at home.
bottom line is, if she's happy then i'm no longer gonna try. just hope that she can deal with not talking to me in the longest time. i've not spoken to her in over a week. mean, i know but i feel better this way 'cos i don't have to deal with her drama.
i even went as far as telling her that i'll be forgoing the LA trip with her next year. that was the hardest thing to do 'cos we've always gone on holidays together. i just hope she's happy now.
gosh, this felt so good on a level. it has been a long while since i blogged like this. however this doesn't mean my problems are over, i still need to really think through my decision on furthering my studies. i seriously don't know if i should go for what i want or what's best for the family. being the eldest sucks sometimes, especially since i could have made better decision in the forgotten past.
i wish some rich muslim man would just sweep me off my feet and marry me. then i have less of a burden since i can quit my job, become a housewife and just take care of my family, plain and simple as any wish goes.
but that's never gonna happen in my lifetime, who would want me huh, i'm just an average girl.
