short update

there'll be a clique gathering tomorrow, so we can break our fast together. it's still in it's planning stages. but hopefully i and the rest of the girls can make it. the location maybe Geylang. though i wonder how we're going to get seats 'cos it's packed this time of year. only during Ramadhan will it be buzzing with activities. all the buying and selling. other months, it'll still be busy but not as frenetic as during the Ramadhan month.

well here's hoping for the plan to come to fruition and that there are available seats for dinner.

Ignorance - live

It's Paramore, 'nuff said.

karma

i missed out on the interview today because i had to fall sick. just as i decided that i will go for the interview, my girls advised me to just try my luck. it's such a bummer, really. well, what can i do really, i have been told to stay at home for a few days since the doctor can't really give me MC since i'm not working.

the good news is that there'll be another interview i can go to. an interview for a childcare position under PAP'S People's Community Fund. easily said that i'll be working with the little kids in the blue kindergarten uniform, if and when i ace the interview. i really hope that i get the job since i have an advantage. but then again, there's no sense in being too over confident.

if i get it then i'll be happy. if not i just have to keep on trying. every one thinks so, boyfriend especially.

p/s: i think i got sick because i kept on saying swine to anyone who got sick, H1N1 season and all. karma just bit me on the ass. -__-'

unexpected

i accompanied sister to CWP to print her art summary, then we went to Cotton On where she just had to try on a few pieces. then went to the bazaar. saw an ex-classmate there while purchasing something to eat. i had mixed feelings about the moment just now.

we exchanged common pleasantries like how we were doing, what's happening in life. then she had to ask one question that made me a bit wary. the whole thing is complicated to explain 'cos i've complicated things by myself. well, if that person didn't push buttons then it wouldn't turn out this way but i really should correct the complication before ex-schoolmates start labelling me. i know i've had enough of that.

and, she didn't think that sister and me were related because we didn't look related. sister took offence at that.

well whatever, maybe there's a reason i bumped into the ex-classmate. since almost all of my ex=schoolmates live in the north and i haven't seen nor heard from them for two years, there must be a real reason behind it lah.

reunion plans? oh please, God forbid.

boring entry

i'm having such an uneventful day, well besides the fact that Fluffy is trying to bring the house down with her incessant moaning - she's in heat, or as my father would say, dah miang - nothing is happening. i do have to fold my clothes but that can be done later.

my Moon is having a hellish day, hopefully he'll not be so pissed by the time he gets home. i did try to calm him down just now, hope it works. my empathy skills are sadly lacking just a tiny bit.

when mother gets home, the dinner preparations will start.
and later at night i will be helping sister with her art, tomorrow is her submission day if i'm not mistaken.

i'm so bored and restless lah.

i remember...

i remember the 'friends' i made outside of school
i remember the people i couldn't trust in school
i remember skipping school all the time
i remember how my closest 'friends' talk when they thought i wasn't around.
and, i remember that none of them in school knew what i was like outside of school.

i remember i was in a fight with my 'best friend' just cause of words being passed around
i remember how i got drunk that very night but amazingly it didn't show the next morning,
i remember being so blatant about school work that i preferred to come late so as to pretend that i didn't know anything but i always managed to scrape through my exams.

i remember the first BOY i dated, how sad that my first relationship had to be so tumultuous.
and the assholes who came after him were more abusive than the last.
i remember the other boy who become dependent on me for material stuff.
i remember the one who lied alot.
i remember the one who made me so jaded that being in love was never again possible.

i remember being so angry with everything MY life had to offer that i took it out on my parents
i remember all the stupid fights i had just because everyone and anyone pissed me off
i remember sneaking out of the house just to piss my parents off.
i remember that i couldn't care less if i disappointed anyone, especially my parents.

i remember being the most selfish person alive
and i remember how i would be such a different person in school not knowing that it would affect me so much later.

i remember saying to myself that i will never, ever regret anything in life.
because regret will get me nowhere and so i swear i will never, ever regret this list of crimes.
and i MUST remember that i should face the consequences bravely and not hide behind my depression.

pray with me and pray for me,
'cos i need to see a glimmer of hope some time in the near future.

2nd day of Ramadhan

it's a pretty normal day, i'm still sending out resumes. well, decided to take a break for fear of getting cross eyed. in the midst of sending out resumes just now, mother reminded me to start praying again. she says it will help me. maybe i should try. it will be difficult 'cos it's been along time that i actually wanted to pray so as to help myself and i'm not proud of that fact.

anyways,
i'm missing alot of people lah. girls we should break our fast outside one day but before that we can go shopping for shoes, how 'bout that?
i miss my Moon, must remember to ask him out so we can go out for dinner together, one day.

i'd best get back to sending my resumes, after that i'll be busy helping mother with dinner preparations.

so as of now, i have to multitask, still haven't done my laundry.

1st Day of Ramadhan

it's a bummer that i cannot welcome the start of the fasting month, boyfriend thinks it's funny. *sighs*

anywho,
i went for the Career Fair alone, sister joined me later but at another venue. she wanted to go because i told her there was a Club 21 booth, she may be going tomorrow. i was a little lost and confused just now at the fair 'cos there was so many booths and i was overwhelmed. however, following my parent's advice, i went to visit booths under the government sector like Health care and all the Ministries. easily said that mother wants me to become a Civil Servant. there's job security and all when working under the government. that's what she says anyways.

i've got a lot of resumes to send online, more new websites to go and check out. you know i thought there will be an actual interviewing session based on my understanding of the mailer that North West CDC sent me but i misunderstood it a whole lot. it was just like the last time i went to a career fair early this year. just a whole lot of booths and a lot of flyers, brochures, goodies and questions to obtain. it's more like learning what the employers have to offer.

i was wearing heels 'cos i seriously thought that there'll be an interview so i was dressed to impress. but i ended up being all grumpy 'cos my feet felt like they were walking on hot coals and there wasn't any available seats. they should put seats on the sides of the convention centre so at least there'll be places to rest for those who've exhausted themselves walking around and around. people like me. hehs.

on a more personal note, i was close to tears just now at the fair 'cos i really didn't know what type of jobs i want, and walking around the fair made it even worse for me, pms i guess. i shouldn't go anywhere alone, especially going to something as serious as a Career Fair. i was so ready to run from the place but since i was wearing heels, i hobbled. haha

and since i was calling mother every ten minutes to have her calm me down and talk sense to me i made it till 1230 pm. pathetic moments.

okay , people do wish me luck, i'm kinda getting more desperate to get a job now that there are actually a lot of jobs available that i do not know of.

adieu

earliest start to my day in 4 months

woke up at 5 am with the intention to complete my resume but i ended up toying with facebook applications instead. i had about 15% more left to do and i can print the thing in time for tomorrow's career fair.

i managed to get a bit done before leaving for JB, now i'm back and i am still confused about the 'N' and 'O' level credits. does a pass constitute as a credit or only a distinction pass will be considered a credit. if the latter is correct than my resume will be just plain sad.

well anyways, i've collected all my Hari Raya finery, hehs, next i'm going to stress myself about what colour and pattern heels i should purchase. there are some disadvantages to being female i guess, this being the fact that we sometimes cannot make up our minds when shopping for special occasions. Hari Raya being one of them. i'll probably end up using the whole month just to think and prolly buy shoes and accessories for myself.

better get back to my resume.

pressure's on

i have a busy, long day ahead of me tomorrow.

first i have to go to POSB in the morning to go replace my POSB bank book, then i'll be heading to JB with mother to collect and buy some things. after that will be headed to one of the many supermarkets we have here to do some grocery shopping.

gawd imma be tired, i still have to complete and print my resume, find a file to file that resume along with my photocopied certs. this is so that i can attend the career fair at Suntec City. 'cos according to the letter which was sent to me from the Northwest CDC,

" Due to your registration with Career Centre @ North West , you are invited to attend a privileged session to meet the employers' first hand. "

i have to be there, dressed in my best, at 10am. so i'm inexplicably stressed right now 'cos i don't know what to wear and i'm not yet done with the resume. thank goodness i have photocopies of my certs.

if CDC were to send the letter earlier then, i would have more time to prepare but i should have all this prepared beforehand since i'm in need of a job. i cannot screw this up like i did the other few interviews

i pray for luck and i pray for hope.

it's that time of the year

Ramadhan is just around the corner and i can't wait for it to be over. so bad of me to say that huh. actually i'm equally excited for Ramadhan and Syawal to come. though it's a bummer that i won't be able to fast completely during the fasting month, female problems and all. not to mention that i still have alot of days that i missed fasting because of female problems and other reasons that i shall not mention here.

i've mentioned that mother has already done her bit for the upcoming Hari Raya celebrations, she is almost done with the household deco like upholstering the furniture with better fabric, the curtains are yet to be hung but i'll be the one doing that since idontknowwhen. all that's left is prolly the purchasing of Hari Raya goodies.

this friday i'll be going over to JB to collect the last piece of clothing from the seamstress and will be dropping by City Square@JB 'cos mother wants to pick up something. maybe i can drop by body shop or Watson's to buy new makeup. things are definitely more cheaper there though the trip back to the immigrations' centre could kill me. i wonder why there are so many bloody stairs and so bloody long walkways just to leave Malaysia.

on a side note, there'll be a career fair this weekend at Suntec City and i plan to go. i've already asked Nuruz if she could accompany me, all that's left is to confirm the details. i'll prolly be tired on the first day of Ramadhan since i still have to see them kids on the Saturday morning.

i hope i have the strength.

mother has been asking me to join her for the evening prayers during Ramadhan, i think i'll indulge her this year by going for the prayers. haven't done so in the last two years, well not regularly at least.

no title

i've always wanted to have a separate private blog, but every single time i make one i end up deleting it in just a few hours. i've done that with live journal, word press, dear diary and just a few hours ago , tumblr. they're all blogging sites but i just can't seem to stick to one. i even tried making a private blog under blogger but i deleted that one too and within a few hours.

maybe it's not time to have a private online sanctuary yet. but i do need a medium to let loose all my inner most thoughts. keeping a written diary is not a very good idea. i might just misplace it, even worse, someone might find it and read all the things not meant for them to read. especially if my parents find it. i'll be in a hell of a whole lot of trouble.

maybe i'm the fickle one. knowing that the blog will be private yet deleting the whole blog after just a few posts. i'm still not ready to talk about the past. ashamed to face it.

i just know my inner demons are probably snickering right about now for my inability to face them. be damned all the stupid decisions and choices i made.

make up my mind already lah, this is just sickening.

spare me, puh-lease!

just got back from brother's silat kenduri, the kenduri or prayers was to mark the start of the fasting month so there was only a prayer session then food was served. well that's not the reason i'm blogging.

the silat girls are s irritating. no wonder brother sometimes dislikes going for silat practice every now and then. jalan tak payah bukak kepak pe, and sungguh tk perlu nk stare2 aku eh. please if you think i'm afraid of you just because posess a belt or two, think again.

i also totally hate the way they carry themselves, strutting around the hall with sheer arrogance in every step. it is so unbecoming in a young girl, well that's my opinion. and, i would have thought that their tok gurus taught them a thing or two about respecting their elders. mintak kene pukul uh semue, seriousnye bbl.

okay, i'm done venting about insignificant people, don't know why i even bothered to blog. must be the toothache 'cos i'm still grumpy.

like angels, without the halo

the morning session with the kids wasn't that bad. they were quieter today. i think because i came in with a rather grumpy face. must have made them scared or something. it was almost a blissful Saturday morning for me, so unlike all the previous Saturday mornings ever since i came in to help my cousin with her students.

it was almost so quiet that it became hilarious to me. maybe i should come in every Saturday morning with a grumpy face, that's a surefire way to make the kids behave.

painlah!

i'm sitting here blogging with a toothache. makes me all grumpy because it hurts to chew and i talk funny. stupid bloody toothache

i'm getting angry over minor details. i'm angry at the cats, i'm angry at everyone in the house. most of all i'm angry at myself for being phenomenally patient with someone. i'm also a tiny bit angry at the person but i can't blame said person. i haven't heard a single word from the person in like ages. my fault too i guess for not trying harder to contact the person.

no use getting angry at all 'cos i cant exactly vent it physically. at this very moment i'd absolutely LOVE to be able to hurt something or someone.

someone please hand me a tranquilizer gun, i'd rather shoot myself to sleep with tranquilizer drugs. at least i'd have sound and painless sleep. i have no freaking idea how to handle the kids tomorrow morning. i swear i'll scream if they don't listen to me.

well wish me luck, i'll surely need it.

The National Orchid Garden

On the 10th of August, which was 3 days ago, i followed my Uncle's family to the Botanical Gardens for a picnic. My Nyai and aunt along with a few of my cousins tagged along. it was some sort of post National Day picnic.

anyways,
i went trigger happy with the camera when we proceeded to the National Orchid Garden which was situated in The Botanical Gardens itself. i may have caught mother's affliction, her sudden craziness over flower motifs. the orchids were just damn beautiful. i didn't pay attention to the orchids' different names and species 'cos i was trigger happy. hee

oh yeah,
that was my first time trying my hand at amateur photography. i hope the pictures turned out good. enjoy people.

Disclaimer: there are alot of pictures, not only of the orchids. i'm struck with laziness and decided not to upload them onto FB. :)