todae onli went for gm prac, and it was a total bore. sorta...
had to do our gm project by ourselves and it was hard. serves me right for always coming late or nt paying attention or both.
a lot of ppl are concerned about me, i know, especially my gfs " nazumysharuznad"
but there are times i feel like giving up and go suicidal cos i cant take the burden of the problems i created,

"yelah myra dulu kan bodoh nk amposh, kawan ngn org2 yang tk betul, myra dulu kan perangai mcm toot, anak setan pun kalah....."

now iym stuck with two major problems and i need to solve them asap so i can get a little much needed feeling of peace and control over my fucked up life.

a tiny piece is more than enuf to make me feel happy for awhile.

i feel their eyes crawling over me...

iym in trouble again but this time i know who caused it. dunno why this person hates me soo much, i've never done her wrong. now she is making false accusations on me.

as if i have more than enough problems right now to settle, thanks eh for making me more miserable than what iym feeling right now

i don't deserve this....

school's been a blur to me, but still i had fun with my darling gfs around.
the gm test just now was quite easy, even though i never really did study properly for the test.
guess thts about all for todae....maybe blogging later if i dun suddenly become unconcious while sleeping =)

ouh ouh,
my psychie appt is nxt mon and luckily i found someone to accompany me but i hope she wunt mind the wait for my session to end...iym sorry dear cuzzie for dragging u along but i will make it up to you somehow, aite??
luv ya =)

toodles ppl <3

and all the art that i supposedly create,

is just an empty reflection, of the mess i actually made....

can someone help me download this song, pls pls pls

it will be much appreciated cos my music downloader has gone bonkers this past few days

=)

Tattoo by Jordin Sparks

just got back from my dinner date with my date ......ehhes
we decided where to eat just as soon as we arrived at arab street.....
too bad all of the diners were chock full of patrons, i had the compelling urge to ask all the patrons to move off so i can eat =D,
but in the end we both had dinner at pizza hut,
we joked around, laughed and ate at the same time, my tummy hurts not from the amount of food eaten but of how much i laughed throughout our date, my eyes teared from laughing too much.

i guess thats all, iym tired and sleepy and thus i want to hit the haysack a.s.a.p
before i surrender to the welcoming comforts of my bed, i want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to murderdoll for loaning me her top, and trust me MD, you will get it back clean and fresh and wangi...=)

i'll update with pics and a video, courtesy of my date =) as soon as he sends it to me via msn
toodles ppl
till then

now waiting for my date to arrive, another impromptu outing for me, cos out of the blue he asked if i was free todae then i said yes cos i am free todae, but the onli problem is that WE both dunno where to go to..
esplanade maybe??
boat quay..
have dinner somewhere ....
running out of ideas...
i think we will just go with the flow..

orite ppl wish me luck aite =)


updates will soon be coming=)



stinging butterflies in my tummy ;)

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY MY sweet, sometimes irritating and idiotic but very talented dancer and singer, SISTER!!!

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND I HOPE U KNOW THAT OUHKAY, if not i will take a gun and shoot you where it hurts =)

O level results were released this afternoon...
all my cuzzies passed theirs' with flying colors, congrats aite gerls...=)
my cuz ifah got : 4 distinctions ( lyk OMG!!!! ) and she got ten points, i wish i was as smart as her.....
my other cuz irah got: B3 and B4 for eng and maths, and she passed her eng thanks to my guidance( ehhes, bragging much??) and she treated me to dinner just now at MAC.
i was surprised she passed her eng tht well, i never knew tht my tips cud help her achieve those kind of grades =)=)=)

iym happy, happy, HAPPY!!

TAGGIE REPLIES

murderdoll: thanks for ur words and thanks for finally tagging aft a long time and no i dun think i've left anything behind, if we both free we go check the lost and found ouhkay.....hahahah

noisefromMAN: ok set, skrg jugak kite serbu rumah die, amcm?? die tgl dkat dngan rumah kakak aku nye datuknye bininye anaknye rumah...HARHARHAR

nuruz: thanks, for everything u said aite gf <3

nadd: tht "fren" is single and she has always been jealous of me...idk why but there's nothing to be jealous of...and thanks you too for the heartfelt words my giant =)

shud i or shud i NOT retake my o level maths this year??

the post before, maybe less than 50% true of me =)
its kinda cool in a way cos i never thought i could be a type A personality.
i was a huge rebel.....ouhkay maybe not that HUGE a rebel...
i always get into trouble back in the day ( zaman secondary school mah...) but now the trouble inexpicably finds me
iym not sure about the free spirit thing-y...maybe i am , maybe i am not.
and the rest is a huge IDK, cos iym not one to think what type of persom i am, thats up to ppl to find out and experience for themselves and if they cant accept me the way i am, then SCREW them

well...
an old fren said something that sorta hurt me, quite a lot
she said:

" senang2 jek kau move on, pas2 cpat nah kau dpt pengganti....lepas jantan yang ni patah kan hati kau jugak, kau nk buat ape...tukar2 jantan mcm kau tukar baju ke pe..."

i didnt expect her too say such a thing, never expected her to say anything at all cos we were not that close to begin with,

seriously, is it soo wrong to fall in/out of love quickly?

it has been a part of me cos i see no reason to dwell on the past especially with guys....

in the first place is it so wrong to be me??

SCREW her if she wants to think that way of me, i know i have far more better gfs then her!

and then someone on fs had to say this:

" myra ponder this for urself, how can u be reza's gf when he sooo obviously didnt take u as his gf."

if i weren't his gf in the first place why did he tell my kakak sedare that we were attached and why did he refered to me as his gf to his frens???

if that doesnt just scream as cowardly behaviour on his part i don't know what will....he so obviously spun another story to that stupid bitch who gave me that stupid comment!!!

AAAARGH!!!!

my day sucks already....

haiz...

is it very wrong for someone to fall in /out of love easily????

What Myra Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i noticed sumtink just now, when my mom asks how was school, i will always answer

"school was school."

does that make any sense?? the sentence is wrong but feels so right when i say it and i just realised it just now.

nothing much happened, we were our usual stupidly funny selfs ( my gfs and me ). lessons were a bore as usual and early in the morning we had to do group work and then present it, i was stuck with the boys in my class incl. the class chairman while my gfs got to work together...hummph!! soo unfair, perfect start to my day.

then it was break time, i had nasi lemak and dessert was sponsored by NZ who brought fudge choc cake- yumyumyum- it was not to sweet and i like it perfectly cos if u baked fudge choc and its too sweet it loses all its flavor and u can only taste all the sugar in the world in that one piece of cake, and u'll get diabetes for sure....ouhkay that was lame uh =)

then we went for lm, slept halfway through it cos basically i dun understand, thought and tried so hard to understand just now and the pressure to cry while trying just overwhelmed me in an instant and i stopped trying cos i dun want to attract any attention to myself in that huge lecture room, i only cry while trying at home and i want to keep it that way.

and lastly we had gm practical,

the practical ran smoothly after we ended our arguments because we were too stoned to understand what miss nora was explaining to the class but we were the first to end the experiment today. and was given a break from about 320 to 345, thanks to miss nora =), and the rest is history, i want to post about MD's " lawak bodoh" but i just cant cos i will start lol-ing just as soon as i remember the details, but the story is posted on NR's blog, so you can read it there.

just so u know,

MD=murderdoll (zura)

NR=narabbit (nana)

NZ=nuruz

SH=shan

NA=nadhirah

i still have no idea why i use their initials instead of using their names.

depression isnt something i want to live with,

the rest of my life....

random vids, enjoy watching.

Love can be a many splendid thing

Has another joy you bring

A dozen roses Diamond rings

Dreams for sale

And fairy tales

It’ll make you hear a symphony

And you’ll just want the world to see

But like a drunk that makes you blind

It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the call

See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was just a once a fool it’s true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world’s a deeper blue

I’m sadder but I’m wiser too

I swore I’d never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn’t worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

Gets stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn’t care how fast you fall

And you can’t refuse the cal

lSee you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around

I think I’ve got it all

My heart keeps callin

And I keep on fallin

Over and over again

This set story always ends the same

Me standin in the pouring rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is (the trouble with love)

It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up in side)

Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie)

Gets stronger then your pride

(The trouble with love is) See your heart its in your soul

(It doesn’t care how fast you fall)You wont remember control

(And you can’t refuse the call) See you’ve got no say at all

The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya)

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love..)

some random pics taken of my gfs. enjoy ppl. =)

just got back from an impromptu outing with my cuzzie, Irah.
we went to wlds lib then, ate at ljs, jalan2 at cosway point ( there's nothing there anymore, might as well go to esplanade to chill.) and then we went over to her house to watch LILO AND STITCH 2.
it was funny and cute and i wanna watch it again and again and again........
there was one part that was sad. my tears actually trickled down my face, this always happen when i'm watching a sad part of any movie =)
tears will trickle down my face without warning and i cant seem to change it.
humph.

aniwaes,
my mother actually terminated me from my sunday classes, but she said i must study harder now that i have more free time, and make sure that i can get an attachment at a company when year-end comes.

i will try my best to make u proud, mama
i love you, even though i dun show it as much as i want to

just got back from dinner with my family again, this time it was at SAKURA INT. BUFFET
there was too much food to choose from that i did not know what to try, there was japanese, western and so much more....
finally let my lil bro choose for me, whatever he ordered i ate and whatever i took he ate, and i was full after eating a little bit.
the food was nt bad, i prefer eating at the normal SAKURA rest. cos the food has more depth to it, like there's more flavour to savour....
i think i'm going to have a tummy ache when i'm done posting...heheh

tomorrow, not going anywhere so it's cnfirmed that i will die of boredom at home.


no words of mental retardness today =)

Jud got back from dinner with the family @ banquet

i had kway teow cockles
lil brother had fish and chips
mom and dad had chicken porridge for dinner

and we talked and talked about this and that, ouh ouh, my lil bro cracked his arm in skool the other day. and he went too ttsh for a check up....there was this convo between my dad and him that made me lol
literally lol in the presence of strangers...

here goes
lil bro' : ayah kalo tangan retak kene cement kan?
dad : yelah
lil bro' : then kalo kepale retak, pun kene cement eh??
dad keeps quiet but in his heart he says.
alamak budak nie, mcm nk lempang jek muke, buat aku malu je depan doctor.

while the barang panas doctor just smiles at my lil bro

lol lol lol lol

thts wat u ppl shud do wen reading that part...hehehs
i dun think i will be sleeping todae cos i need to cmplete my ac and revise for my mol bio test tml

ouhkays bye


bitches shud not anyhow put stupid comments wen they dunno the whole story,
and if bitches dunno who i am they better stay away cos iym a bitch wen bitches intrude upon my private life
so yea. iym done for today

revamped my blog in half an hour, dint put music in cos iym looking for the perfect song =)



school was normal i guess, had fun with my gfs,

slept after ending the gm practical with NZ, she slept on my arm and i slept on the table...the other gfs disappeared for that period of time...hehehe

den woke up with a red mark running down my nose or so NZ said...a few seconds of rubbing and the mark was gone ; )



my friend Lan msged me while i was waiting for lesns to begin, and it was sweet of him to layan my merepeknye msgs, well sort uh

so ouhkay it wasnt that merepek uh but iym retarded oreadi so u ppl go figure otays....



tml another school day ,

another day of lessons that i swear could kill me if they were potent enuf to do so.

they would be smothering me everyday of every minute

while trying to enter my oh-so thick head

=)



kay iym done for today, else i will start to crap if i were to continue with this pot

au revoir ppl

iym officially infatuated ppl.
idk y oso.
i think its becos of the way he talks to me and becos of the way he msgs me...


well my phone's been confiscated and iym currently using a temp num..u'll get it at msn..

nothing much to blog about todae uh ...iym soo bored today haiz...
maybe later in the evening i'll blog summre..
bout wat idk either...


can sumone tell me why mothers can be so difficult sometimes???

my eye is getting better and now guess which part of my body is swelling....my lips..
i must be allergic to something or i must have eaten something i'm not supposed to....it sucks kinda cos whenever i look in the mirror to check the condition of my eye i see my lips first *sighs heavily*

ouh yarhs i wanna tell my mom that i wanna quit my sunday classes cos i am not interested anymore.
all ido is sit in class and pretend to listen when iym actually not, i'll be seating at the back of the class and will be busy sms-ing frens and family. i tried telling her by dropping a few hints like, when she asks what i learnt today i will say " i dun know" and wen i happen to be sitting for an exam that particular sunday, i will say "i dun know", if she happens to ask how the paper was. she shud alreadi know that iym no longer interested in my sunday classes.
coming for those classes just adds to my stress levels cos i have to do reports about topics i have never heard of, and i usually just cut and paste from the net cos the lecturers give high expectations for the reports and i have no time to do it properly cos i'm falling behind in my academic studies.

everything just sucks, like my life hasnt sucked before.
u get the drift right???

i feel like i suck at everything now
i suck at being a good friend,
i suck at being a good student,
i suck at being a good sister, sometimes, but i thank god that my sister understands my sitch and she has been there for me now more than ever cos she knows i will always be there for her.
i suck at being a good daughter
basically i suck at being a good everything ....

ouhkay myra enuf of ur self incriminations....

aniwaes,
daddy promised to buy me and my sister daybeds, like finally we can throw away that big old bed ofo urs and there will be so much space for us to use in the room.
we will be getting separate daybeds soo imma choose one that suit s my taste and my sister will probably choose one that looks vintage-y to her =)

hopefully can get the daybeds soon and my sister and me can finally redecorate the room again =)
its what we both like doing together.....and trust me there willb e a fair amount of screams wen we both busy redecorating our room and u dun want to be in the middle of it.....only my lil brother can handle our screaming ;D

thats all blog you later

now playing,
sleepwalker and whispering fingertips by Flyleaf

My spirit is willing
But my flesh is weak
My eyelids grow heavy
And I might just fall asleep
Walking around in my sleep
Running into walls I cannot see
Falling and scraping up my face
Ignoring the softest spoken grace
How many times will I go and take the bait
Only for this hook to rip right through my face
How can I love you back
What can I do to show you
His piercing eyes meet mine
Please simply stay awake
Talk to me and I'll hear you
Don't fall asleep this time
Gotta stay awake
Gotta stay awake
Don't you see me reaching for you
I swear I really do love you
How can I love you back
What can I do to show you
His piercing eyes meet mine
Please simply stay awake
Talk to me and I'll hear you
Don't fall asleep this time
Gotta stay awake
Gotta stay awake

Contemplating you is like a dream
I never want to wake up from what I finally see
Perfect circles turn in orbit
Following a perfect path from your perfect hand
When I look into your eyes
It's a world I can't believe
I can see my destiny
To be like you
Whispering fingertips
Leave your fingerprints
All over everything
Contemplating you is like a dream
I never want to wake up from what I finally see
Perfect circles turn in orbit
Following a perfect path from your perfect hand
Whispering fingertips
Leave your fingerprints
All over everything
When I look into your eyes
It's a world I can't believe
I can see my destiny
To be like you
Whispering fingertips
Leave your fingerprints
All over everything

now iym listening to SORROW by FLYLEAF, over and over again...
i wonder when my joy will come, all i am feeling right now is misery and confusion..

aniwaes back to todae,
my right eye is still swollen and now iym making full use of my left eye to do everday things lyk cooking, watching tv and blahblahblahs =)
it got worse during the nite, and now it looks like it almost swollen shut. NR msg me in the morning and i didnt answer cos i culdnt see the keypads on my cell, i couldnt even make a simple call to tell her that iym not comng to skool cos i cant see ......:(

ystd i msged my fren, his name is Lan something...hehhs i forgot,
all i can say is that he is a very adorable guy, very manje oso lyk me =D
he invited me to have dinner with me at arab street, sometime next week, i said ouhkay and he asked i realli dun mind going to arab street uh? then i said "nah, kiter tak cerewet.."
cool rite cos its been a long time i had dinner there.....
i think iym starting to get infatuated with him....idk if thats gd or bad considering my depression is at an all time high lately....
my gfs and my cuzzzie told me to get to know him better before embarking on a new r/s... i know now that he is a caring guy, understanding too cos he took the time to understand my depression, iym grateful for that and idk why either...=)
ouh ouh he is also a shy person uh.....
what else can i say about him eh???
thats all i guess...

later imma try to revise my lm again and gm too, lest i want to fail both modules during exams later....
seriously idk y i still bother going to skool wen i cant learn anything. iym still interested in my studies cos i nid to make it to poly for my parents sake, i know now that i'm no longer interested in my other studies cos i just come on sundayy for those classes and sit there pretending to listen and wen it comes to exams i dun study , i just attend and write crap on the exam paper....
its times lyk this i feel lyk shouting at the top of my lungs..

" MYRA U'RE A WORTHLESS PERSON, DOING TIHNGS JUST TO PLEASE THE PPL U LOVE!"

thats all, bye

i'm always wondering when my joy will come.....

iym now stuck at home with an eye infection in my right eye, it pains me to blink so often but i cant help blinking cos its painful. =)
have to take three different meds to reduce the swelling adn infection, there are antibiotics to be taken completely, eyedrops have to be instilled every two hours and an eye cream to be spread on my eyelid three times a day.

done that oreadi and then now i have nothing to do.
checked my frenster account, no surprise there, nothing new...
so now iym blogging to pass the time i have on my hands....
oater will be going to cosway point fix my specs so i can wear them tml.
i dun lyk wearing specs cos iym used to using my lenses, anyways wearing specs makes me look funny and i have to push them up all the time cos it tends to slide down my nose....



thats all then =)

came late for lessons today because it was raining, and the bus moved sooo bloody slow, reached lt1 for gm lecture and found out from NR it lasted for about 18 mins, which was pretty fast.
this term i have to come everyday to school and try to understand every single word that comes out of from my lecturers especially for gm and lm, there are two exam modules to be completed and passed before i cn go to my second year, if i dun pas my lm exam i thought of quitting school and take my private o's and that means i have to find work that pays well, this scenario is only for when i dun make it ....hopefully that doesnt happen.

niwaes back to todays events,
after gm me, NR and SH debated whether or nt to go for ac and in the end we took a 4 hour break (smoke break) by ourselves and me knowing that i shud be in class studying and coming to lessons lest i want to be get debarred for my exams..haiz
getting difficult to study cos every time i sit down and think, my past comes to haunt me, more often than ever. and that leads to the fact that i only get to revise abit and if i try harder to understand the module that iym revising while trying at the same time to purge any unwanted thoughts from my head, i end up crying most of the time :(

thats all =)




i thank u, for just one more day,
everyday of my life.

basically had orientation for the newbies the last two days...

first day
sucks becos i couldnt shout loud enuf for them to hear me , in the end NA had to do all the work while i sulked about saying to myself that iym not cut out to be a BL. mabe i shudnt be a BL in the first place knowing that i have this mental illness with me.
the stress i felt was overwhelming. seriously wanted to breakdown cos i couldnt do the job i was supposed to do properly

second day
alo t smoother cos just had to herd the newbies arnd.


ouhkay iym done blogging and now imma post it bfore the internet connexion fails me
=)

waahh!!!!!
iym so bored todae
period.
fullstop.
done.

tml is the day of the orientation and i cant wait to get it over and done with.
the faster the better, and hopefully i dun have to do a second orientation for the april intake.
i'll quit on the spot.
the games are lyk bloody lame and how am i supposed to conduct them if i myself dun understand it that much.
i pray to god tonite that NA and me can get it done with safely and hopefully we get the docile ones. ;D
and tml have to meet my gfs at tamp int @730 am.
soo early i think i will be sleeping early or i will not be sleeping at all =)

thats all for todae i guess.

ouhkay then now i want to go die of boredom

humph!!

todae is lyk so boring...i have absolutely nothing to do...save for frenster and blogging and youtube.
other than that i have nothing better to do *sighs*

my phone's halfdead again :(
eversince that idiot disappeared for good from my life, my phone is a bit quieter nowadays

my parents, nad my lil brother are out god knows where, i didnt here them going out, seems lyk my parents go out often nowadays, good for me i guess so my sis and me cn practice our vocals w/o anyone telling us to keep quiet =)

i cant wait for the next time me and my cuzzies are going out again cos it was fun with them....
niwaes,
i have this fren of mine, which my cuz irah said that he is interested in me =)
i'll wait and get to know him better becos i dun want any repeating of mistakes on my part
but he is a caring person, which brings me to the fact that

why can he understand my problem and why cant that stupid dickhead understand my problem!

all i needed for him to do was to understand a bit just a tiny bit than from there i could explain to him as time goes by, well it didnt happen and iym glad it didnt, cos i soo dun want to get stuck to an insensitive dickhead ass hole &&& its so ur lost for letting me go u stupid idiot, now i dun feel anything anymore for you!
zilch!
nada
nope
nothing's beating for u now u stupid ass!

ouhkay iym done venting about him and from now on no more posts about him or us at all, and if there happens to be one in the future about him someone please shoot me in the head =)


aiyah!! iym still bored too death
there is nothing great on t.v and there is definitely nothing great to watch cos i have watched all the dvds i have at home lyk a gazillion times already...

hmmmm,
i msged my frens to see if they wanna chill arnd my place for awhile but sadly todae they are out with their families and some are busy with work. they suggested to meet up at nite but iym nt sure if i can make it uh, unless my daddy gives me his permish since we're chilling under my block oni...hmmm

kay thats all ppl
i want to go die of boredom later and later enjoy the fact that iym single again
woohoo!
cheers to life =)

todae went out with my cuzzies, irah and ifah to celebrate my newly found single life, yeah thats right iym SINGLE ppl =)

it was a fun day even though it rained on our parade of fun for awhile, we still managed to cam whore and take some very funny and silly pictures =)
hopefully i get to upload them safely and so u guys and gals can look at them and laugh by urself....lame =)

well there was one thing that happened just now that my gfs would say " cerita bodoh" =)

sooo here goes.

STUPID STORY #1

me and ifah were walking and talking about what drinks we were going to buy later, after we had tremendous fun camwhoring with each other
and sooo
we were walking towards the escalator going down
we were walking and walking while getting engrosed in our conversation and then we stepped on the escalator, then,
we both screamed,
becos we were going down the escalator which was going up.
we laughed so hard my tummy hurt =)
we would have known if the escalator was going up or down if my cuzzie irah were to speak up that we were going downthe wrong one, but she was too stunned to say anything becos she thought we were going the right way cos we were so confidently talking w/o looking where we were going,
luckily, there was no one around then

thats all for the stupid story lol

then we walked around suntec and esplanade and marina square
my tummy still hurts from the extreme laugh fest the three of us had just now
=)=)=)=)

hopefully there will be more stupid stories to come so my blog will lose its depressed feeling ;D

i feel much much better after venting my emotions after yesterdays post.
and i was at my rudest yesterday night when i chilled with my frens near my place...
the were initially surprised that i had a temper becos they know me as the girl with the most patience...soo wen i was at my rudest and at my most sarcastic being ever they were surprised but they got over it luh..
now that i think about it , it was damn funny luh.....

now iym bored at home
thinking about how NA and i are going to handle the newbies next mon
hope we get the docile ones ....heheh

niwaes,
iym still bored to death luh ppl

changed my friendster profile like three times todae and did the same for my blog profile...

ouhkay bye
i want to go find sumtink else to do

case of the ex

iym soo bloody confused right now.
and so fucking stressed

OUHKAY!! THATS IT!!

I WANT TO SAY THAT EVERYTHING BETWEEN ME AND HIM THAT HAS GONE WRONG IS BECOS OF MY STUPID MISTAKES
YUPS THATS RIGHT, EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT
MY FAULT COS I WAS NOT ABLE TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND MY DEPRESSION.
MY FAULT COS I EXPECTED HIM TO UNDERSTAND IT SOO QUICKLY
MY FAULT IF HE WERE TO LEAVE ME ( got a feeling he already has done that)
MY FAULT FOR THINKING I CUD HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP AFTER SOO MANY FAILED ONES.
MY FAULT THINKING THAT MY DEPRESSION WUDNT GET IN THE WAY
MY FAULT!!
MY FAULT!!!
MY FAULT!!!!
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT PPL!!!
HE IS INNOCENT OF ANY WRONGDOING.

if u, _insertname here_, happen to read this , i wna apologize if u happen to read any of my posts that makes u feel degraded and i give u free will if u want to badmouth me to ur frens, cos i deserve it.






i want to die......
someone push me over the edge..
pretty please???

2008

this year i did not bother ot think of a list of new years resolutions but finally decide on one, just one and that is
I WILL NOT BE TAKING ANY CRAP FROM ANYONE ANYMORE.
so ppl pardon me if i become a little bit more rude, and wen i do that, it just means that u are giving me crap.



HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!

thought about how i am going to summarize my 2007 and begin my 2008. there is a lot of stuff i can post about but i dun think i can do it in one day so probably iym going to keep expanding this post for the week to come, so just keep reading aite, even though u have read most of the post =)

2007

it started off pretty well.
i managed to get rid off problems i had in 2007 mainly problems to do with my secondary school life.
i got closer to my sisters and they understood me more, i was happy for the first quarter in 2007 becos..
1) i had people who really cared for me.
2) despite a devil manager at work, i still had fun with my colleagues, esp mr hotstuff ( iym drooling just thinking of him)

then it was the day of the results,
my results was ouhkay but still did not get to go to poly,, but i was content with having to go to ITE cos it was plainly my fault for skipping lots of classes during my O level year.
i was the bitch, that everyone in school wanted to like and hate at the sametime and becos of all these fuckers, i learned to find solace with my sisters. i would have liked to bitch slap all those ppl in skool who made use of me for their own stupid tiny agenda. =) my hand would fall off if i were to do that ;D

April 2007

i was in ITE by then and found new frens






there is one person missing and that is SH. she wasnt in the puc in the day cos she was sick .

the six people her makes NAZUMYSHARUZNAD.
NANA : she likes to disturb me, has a sharp tongue and wit but i love her nonetheless, under her shell of sarcasm there is a very caring person underneath ( she doesnt like to show it, so people who dun know her in person may think she is very harsh, well if people think that way i will bitch slap them =) ).
AZURA : she is cute and she knows it, she also likes to disturb me, and when NANA and her tag team me, i will be in a whole lot of trouble but thank goodness i have patince beyond anything right now =), one more thing about this cute person is that she is very caring and i know how much she can care about someone who means something to her, like a friend for example.
MYRA : this person here, she likes to bubble her frens, and has let her depression control her so far =)
( i know iym describing myself negatively, cant help myself but it doesnt ,mean anything, just thought it would be more complete if i were too describe myself too =))
SHANAA : she is by far the most craziest one in the group, she ia also a bit rough in the way that she talks and she behaves, but despite that she is still a fragile human being.
NURUZ : the youngest in age in the group, she is quite a crybaby at times, i wunt be judging her cos thats the way she is,
P.S nuruz u better not cry this year over anything anymore ouhkay especially not over guys, later i will bitch slap u =) learn to feel the love around you aite.
NADHIRAH: a very firm person and i not scared to aythat she is the most matured in the group, a caring anf loving person.

these people showed me what true friends are supposed to be, they are there for you wen ur happy and sad.
they taught me to share my problems with them cos i am a very very private person and i like to do things on my own accord.

and then in october i found out i had depression, i had sleeping problems and a change in appetite due to it.
and i realised up till now i have been letting my depression control the littlest of decisions i make in my life.

November & December 2007

met this guy via my cousin, i was happy with him , no i thought i was happy with him but it was only my depression playing tricks on me.
now i dun know what is happening between us. and i have decided to forget about the dickhead who doesnt want to understand my problems. had a convo about it with my sis

sissie : dun wait anymore luh
me : i dun now wat to do luh
sissie : u wna know sumtink?? a bad habit of yours that i like sis.
me : wat isit??
sisiie : its that u used to not take crap from guys, when the they make one little mistake and when u deem it hurtful to you u will just forget about them just like that. maybe u shud start treating guys the way the want to be treated like u used too cos i felt that u were happier that way...
me : speechless but i just nodded my comprehension


so now i have decided to forget about him whether or not he wants to understand me. well maybe i cud stay single for the first or for the first two months of 2008.
heheh


thats basically the summary for my 2007.

its a brand new year and i decided to change my blogskin, as you guys and gals may have experienced, i have a few kinks too fix and hopefully find a way to change the color of the cursor so that u ppl dun have to look at the screen vey close and develop blindness becos of trying to navigate my blog.....

i have a lot to post about my 2007 later in the day or maybe later in the week ..
soo cheers aite mates


HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

p.s i know the song to my new blog sucks ( its embedded in and idk how to fix it), i decided not to fix that cos i like it that way...suggestions are welcome though...hehehs