missed Dee's performance because firstly, she did not know when her actual slot timing will be. secondly, i woke up late cos you-knowwho had to be panicky about the gig the day before. and thirdly when i finally arrived it was over. i actually missed it. damn it sia.



but me and cousin Jane stayed throughout the Fresh show. there was afight during a punk/ska performance and Freaky Z commented about it later on in the day when we were at the Artshouse for his Floetry segment at Earshot cafe. the segment was kinda boring in a way cos it wasnt like his usual show. Floetry, yesterday was for the Protege finalist to showcase their skills. my sister thrived in that type of setting and i didn't. i'm soo not into those labels. where listening to a specific type of music made you one of them. well, as usual, there were bitches, stuck up ones. just cause they know all the bigwigs in the hip hop scene and they just so happen to be friends with them. they look at you down the length of their nose. god, i felt like breaking their noses.



and i forgot to mention that throughout the day i was walking or should i say limping with blistered feet. all thanks to those pumps mother bought me. pfffft!!

and now it hurts to walk, too bad i have to follow the family out to dinner later on cause its kind of a family tradition that we go out to dinner once a month. nothing fancy though, cos we usually go to eat at banquet. good enough for me.



____________________________________________________

Sorry bout the small picture. =)
Aniwaes, for anyone who is a fan of dangerous whirlwind romances, you guys should read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. its the first book of a four part series. the storyline was captivating and i ended up reading the book in one day cause i just could not put it down. i wanna thank cousin Jane for lending it to me for a day to keep me occupied so that i wouldnt be bored during the whole Floetry segment.

Twilight is a must read. and the movie will be out in December. but you have gotta to read the book first. okay?

and i will begin searching for the next book in the series, aptly titled New Moon. hee

just when i think things are starting to look up, even for a tiny bit, for me.
it comes crashing down again.
and of all people , why me??
as if i haven't enough on my life plate to deal with.
what with my depression and all it entails.

sometimes i wanna blame god for all of my lifes mishaps.
but i cant, strictly religious reasons.
mother keeps saying that, just cause god is making me suffer now,
means he has biiger plans for me in the future.
and he just wants to see if i can get out of my situation now,
practically unscathed.

u think i can do it??
cause as of right now i so dont think so



Dee's gig,
S.A.M @ The Glass House
12-6pm
free entry, free food
there will be bands and dance performances as well.
so if you're free do drop by.

and i'm missing my lovely idiot right now, wonder what he's doing, prolly sleeping.

when u have nothing to do like me, u tend to think about stuffs and you tend to miss sooo many people. the thinking about stuff i can do without, god knows what's running through my mind this instant.

but the feeling that comes when you are missing someone, and i'm not saying just a single soul but quite a number of them is kind of amazing if you just take a second to feel it. now i sound as if i've just found out that i have a beating heart that beats for others as well. sheesh. this may sound abit weak, but i'd say that this feeling is just something new to me in a very long, long time. my depression maybe the cause of this, who knows, right??

and being able to register it in my oh-so-depressed heart is definitely a humongous step, especially for me. it means im regaining my ability to feel other emotions other than sadness and anger. my inner spirit is beginning to lift itself up and break away from the chains holding it prisoner. i hope sooner or later, i can smile and laugh again. not the fake ones i use to mask my inner pain because i do not want others to worry soo much over me, as i feel i am burdening them with my problems which i created. especially the ones i love. though i know they will be there to help me in my time of need, i am afraid to be dependent on them to get through my depression as i feel this is something i need to learn to get through myself, however, i am utmost grateful for their support thus far.

things are definitely looking up for me.

as of right now i'm missing my GFs, my classmates, Mr Moon =) and maybe myself as well, the real me that is. and i sooo can't wait for the picnic that is to happen on the 3rd of July at ECP. i hope everyone that was invited will come, especially my GFs. i hope all 5 of them can make it.

gosh! wasn't that a wordy post. heee.

sounds abit sappy now that i've read it but who cares anyways.

i quote, deeranae : " IT IS MY LIFE"

sleepless nights

its just one of those days, nights i mean. that my brain and body refuse to communicate. i soo want to go to bed ever since i got home from the hosp but my eyes refuse to close. for the past two hours i have

1. edited pictures
2. updated my frenster profile
3. bloghopped
4. chatted with my cuz, irah
5. went through frenster again
6. updated my bloggie
7. went thru frenster yet again
8. chatted with a frenster fren, dr psycho
9. bloghopped again
10. walked aimlessly around the house

how pathetic can i be at this hour man. pffffft!!

just got back from TTSH, visited my maternal grandmother. im effing tired cos had a sleepless night. i just couldnt go to sleep. i guess i may have had too much fun with him. :)
and guess what, i finally have decent pictures of him, or i should say with him. *smiles widely*. however, i shall not be posting it cos he made me promise to keep the pic to ourselves and i soo wanted to show the world who he is. haish.

tml i have to go teman my nenek at hospital again until my mom comes in the afternoon. am soo gna be tired. hopefully i can go to sleep tonight.




let nothing come between us.

going out later with Mr Moon, first to beach road to buy his collar pin and then will figure where else to go from there.

been a few days since i last blogged. but not much has happened.
there was a family gathering at Nyai's place, kenduri doa selamat sebab nyaiku selamat pulang dari umrah. i came early to help with the preparations. nyai commented " rajin myra datang siang, nk tolong nyai eh?". i could just nod lahh cos i don't know what to say to her. she cooked a lot yesterday including my favourite( its all my cousins fave dish just cos she cooked it. ;)), asam
pedas ikan pari. YUMMMMMMY!!!!

the other few dishes i couldn't remember cos i only had my eyes on the asam pedas ikan pari. heee.

and she kept saying to me that i should help her so people won't say,

" sini tolong nyai masak, jadi org tkleh kate cucu nyai tk tau masak."

isnt she just a sweet old lady.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!!

my sweet mother has turned 43 today and yet she still looks as sweet as ever. we're holding a small celebration later when she returns from her nightly classes. father bought her a cake and a bar of cadbury's hazelnut chocolate. yummmmmmy!!!!. hee
and it's sposed to be my mother who should be indulging on the chocolate bar. pffffft!!!

too bad i couldn't get anything for her birthday this year and father's too. i didn't even get her anything for their wedding anniversary. haish.

well enough sulking what's past is past right?

well here is the only pic that i like. ;)

this was sposed to be posted on monday but the lazy bug bit me. i will be posting the videos since nadd has posted the pics and nuruz has described abit of the day's outing. so enjoy ;)



btw the vid is rated PG and u will find out why if you look close enough. heeee

this past few days haven't been exactly great but i made it through the week unscathed except for that episode that happened between that person. well things happen and i have just to pick myself up and move on with my life. and so firstly i would like to thank these supportive taggers,

NANAorix: thanks babe for the words, now i know how u feel, like really. i wish there was a better way to handle it than the way i did.

NURUZgorilla & =) : thank you for reminding me that i was and still am strong. much appreciated.

IFAH : thank you also for installing back what little faith i have left for that person, sadly it wasn't much. i tried though.


back to the present,
i went shopping with my mom the other day and bought a few stuffs. a white tube top, a cute red dress ( now i'm a wee bit obsessed with the color red because of Mr Moon. hee ) and a new pair of pumps, kappa, like Zura's. the pumps, were mom's choice but it was nice lah. pics of me wearing the items wil be up soon. no better way to practice camwhoring than doing it yourself, i always say. however, i still don't have a knack for it. pfffft!!!


&&& i have yet to receive my resume through mail!!! has anyone else got it?
GFS and SHAIE, HAVE U GIRLS GOT YOUR RESUMES????

my only weakness was that i cared too much

songs i listened to the past hour,

Entwined : bittersweet 2 times, surrender 3 times
Evanescence : good enough, tourniquet 2 times
Flyleaf : breathe today, cassie, i'm so sick (t-virus remix) 3 times
Lacuna Coil : closer, enjoy the silence, take me over ft. entwined
Papa Roach : broken home, last resort 3 times, scars 3 times.

just to drown my pain, it worked until my mp3 batt went flat.

but that was before i listened to Flyleaf's supernatural 6 times, to remind myself to be more patient it worked but regretfully i find that my heart doesn't beat that much for you anymore,
i'm sorry.

this time i truly and really swear and wash my hands off of you. i see now that nothing i do or say will make u change ur ways. so u can lead ur life whichever fucking way u want. u said it urself.

quote: " it's my life "

so yeah, i forgot it is YOUR life and i obviously have no say in how u lead YOUR life. whatever u do from now on don't bother telling me or informing me, cos basically i'm not interested anymore. i hope YOU will be happier this way. if YOU are happy then i will be too.

and i thought all this while u listened to what i have been saying. boy, was i wrong. i sacrificed alot for your sake and this is your thank you? no matter what i will still be grateful becos i know now that i MEANT SOO MUCH to you, didn't i??

i know u will be reading this soon, and i so don't want to hear any apologies. all has been said and done. and there is nothing more YOU can do to change my mind. this time right now. i will be standing by my resolve to not to talk to you if u fail ur N's. trust me on this one. DO NOT EVEN BOTHER.

from now on u are nothing more than a person i share a room with, and nothing more than a being i share parents with.

p.s just so YOU know,
YOU are one of the main reasons i have depression.
and i will say it again,

" how do i begin to recover if the problem is soo close to home and soo close to heart?? "

u will never comprehend how much it hurts for me to truly give up.u never will comprehend how much pain u brought meu will never comprehend how much i really tried to help youu will never comprehend how much i stood by you in your time of needu will never comprehend,how much it hurts the core of my very being to type my heart out this way.but now it is all too little too late.and i will no longer burden YOU with my nagging and unwanted advicegoodbye.
tears of blood i will cry for you, no longer

woooaaaahhh!!!!

im finally done with the report ppl

* jumps off the walls screaming like a lunatic*

XDXDXDXDXDXDXD

cant believe i fell sick bloody early in the morning. what a waste, since today is my MLP phase test and that AC presentation on gc. and all the time spent with my groupmates was for nothing cos i wont get a single effing point since i did not present mself for the presentation.
this was s'posed to be the last week of the school term, the lecturers should cut us some slack once in awhile. still have another bloody presentation on mayonnaise ( wtf ), to do tomorrow.
sheesh, feel like i wanna run a knife through all my lecturers.

*screams her head off*

and as for my report on that karl fischer guy and his machine. only god knows how i will get through that. pffft!

still struggling with the report.
still don't know if i can complete it or not.
damn it lah sial.
becos of this report, im fucking pissed off with everything else around me.
been cooped up in my room the whole day.

been watching katt wiliams on youtube for the past half-hour
one word - HILARIOUS

DISCLAIMER : VIDEO HAS PROFANITIES IN IT AND MAY BE A BIT SENSITIVE.

report writing is making me bloody nervous!

who the fuck is karl fischer??!!

can i even complete the report by the 12th of june??

* smacking her forehead till it bleeds *

looked at my wardrobe for abit after school and realised that im missing alot of stuffs.

i've only a few tank tops,
a pair of skinny jeans but that don't seem to fit anymore. im fat :(
a purple long tee,
a white cardigan,
a PUMA hoodie, was actually my mother's ,
a black fitted blouse,
a green flower printed dress,
& that's about it.

compared to D's wardrobe which has several differemt hoodies, several different kicks, load more tees & tank tops & dresses & jeans & not to mention a mini skirt which i have wanted to add to my items in the "wardrobe list"

my wishlist has yet to be fulfilled. :(


for nuruz,
be strong babygirl, we will always be there for you.
though i suck at giving advice, u know who to turn to when u just need someone to hold you aye? :)
i give great hugs. hee

can't believe that i woke up late when i'm one of those people who asked syakir to push forward the AC practical session to 8am instd of the usual time, which is at 10am.
but still have to make my way to school for the grp work on GC. would be stupid if i didn't comne since i did my research and everything.

i would have gotten to bed earlier if not for the AC report writing and the fact that my sister was using my lappy until two plus in the morning.

sometimes i wonder if my family actually realise that i still have this sleeping disorder??

been swamped with tests and school stuff. have yet to start on my AC report and now i have to research on GC. Ms Lee is trying to kill us i think. thankfully the MLP & AC2 theory tests are over. now left only with MLP practical test which falls on the 10th of june, coincidentally the same day we have to present our groupwork on GC. so, safe to say that school has, literally, been killer.



just when you think you're okay
just when you finally find the strength to pick yourself up
something else falls on top of you
knocking the breath out of you
and you start the tussle between
reality and paranoia all over again.

i don't know if this depression
is a blessing or a curse

a curse, yeah it is.
i have horrible recurring nightmares that don't make no fucking sense
if left to my own devices, i have suicidal tendencies that make no fucking sense either
i used to be a happy, healthy and normal teenage girl
and i have no fucking idea where that happiness disappeared to.
the tiniest of problems seem to bother me soo much
and i am constantly worrying that i am dissapointing the people around me,
that statement is almost true.

a blessing? in a way i feel it is.
i know who really care and will stay with me through hell and back.

"true friends aren't those who are with you through the best of times, but are there helping you through the worst."

i know that there are friends who are helping me, i guess im the problem. not trying hard enough to help myself. but how do i let go of a problem that's too close to home? and start being self-obssessed for once?

falling over and over again is starting to hurt my pride.

yesterday was quite an emotional affair for my father's side of the family. my nyai has already gone off for her pilgrimage but she will be going to this place called, Baitulmakdis for a few days then finally head over to Medina and Mecca to start her pilgrimage. if i remember correctly its like every two years she goes off for her pilgrimage, this being the first without my late grandfather. i really do hope that she will be alright and comes back to us happy.

then at around 7 in the evening, me nad my cuzzin, Kak Yul, went home first while the rest atyed to have dinner and whatnot, i could have had my dinner before my nyai went in for her flight but somebody was being a bitch and refused to teman me go for my early dinner. pfffffft!!!

aniwaes, since Kak Yul wanted to go to TM and buy something at Mini Toons and i wanted to go to Bedok to meet Mr Moon, we both decided to go off together the main reason being my Kakak dunno where to alight since she rarely takes the mrt except to and from work. heeee.

there was a slight change of plans, since there was a Mini Toons outlet at T2, which i conveniently forgot about. -___-'
she bought the stuff there had it wrapped, paid for it and we were off to our separate destinations.

i was a few minutes late meeting Mr Moon, but he didnt complain. since he was hungry we made our way to LJS, that was actually the first time i heard him saying that he wanted to go eat at a fast food restaurant and i was surprised since he always says to me that fast food isnt good for me and whatnot. i guess it wont hurt him since he rarely goes into fastfood restaurants and eat, unlike me, first answer to a hungry stomach is any fastfood restaurant near enough for me to eat in so i wont collapse from hunger, yeah right myra. =_="

went to NTUC , gna skip the details of that part of the story.....

then went to Garden Hill to chill and talk. it was fun cos there is not a dull moment when im with him. we counted the stars, i gave up after twenty but he continued. when he was finaally satisfied that he had counted all the stars he could see. i told him that he forogt one, he asked me to point it out and so i took his finger and pointed at myself, then he gave the most sarcastic face imaginable and i promptly burst out into giggles. after the moments spent with him yesterday night, i miss him even more. the magic of the evening was marred cos i was already abit sick and didnt want to infect him with my flu. so it was torture to stop myself from sneezing myself into a fit. but it was pure magic and absolute heaven nonetheless.

and it was time for goodbye. instead of the usual saying goodbye and stuff he surprised me by giving me a goodbye kiss on the cheek and sooo i did the same to him, after that kiss he had a huge smile on his face.

this part is where i say. " myra suke skali!"

ahaha. sayonara =)