problems, solutions, conclusions

my weekend has been rather tiring, not because i went out or anything. i was tired 'cos i did alot of waiting. the jb trip was cancelled and nobody thought it would be important for me to know. i could have gone down for Fadli's brother's wedding and helped out. mother and her last minutes sometimes kill me.

in the end, sister went out to the zoo with her loverboy. and i went out to meet some people to chill later at night. so basically during the afternoon i wasted away at home trying not to be mad at anyone. i swear i was pissed at everyone, even the cats.

my head's a mess. my thoughts have been going into unnecessary territories lately. my insomnia is making a return trip. i'll fuck myself if the old cycle returns. that shit is too hard for me to handle, not again, not anymore.

and now i feel like arguing with somebody, feel like fucking somebody up, real bad.

maybe i'll make a trip down to RP tomorrow afternoon to meet my girls. that will surely help to take my mind off somethings. i miss my girls, i'll ask Nuruz to tag along if she 's free.

so far my Monday has been pretty mundane, i watched Stomp the Yard twice today. just to kill time, then and old classmate came over, she revealed alot of news about my old schoolmates. what i heard came to no surprise for me, basically almost all the girls in my old class have gone into a downward spiral, some more than others. from what i know their behaviours were no different from when they were in school, and back in the day there was constant backstabbing and bitching going around that i really couldn't be bothered to trust anyone in school 'cos i know one of the unlucky ones they bitch about was me. so tell me, if not wanting to even cross paths with them is wrong.

on a much lighter note, i have a feeling that my parents will give me the green light to travel overseas alone, that is by the end of the year, i have alot of kissing up to do, i really should start being a good girl.

yeah right!

adieu.

am feeling restless

it's been a slow day, only because i slept through the afternoon.

my morning was okay, just the usuals with the kids . they're beginning to be more and more rowdy and naughty. i felt so tired, because i have to repeat myself so many times to be heard. i wonder how sister's gonna handle the kids, it won't be much of a problem i guess since she's more aggressive and fierce. hehs

my parent's are out, with brother. they went to eat, somewhere. sister's out with Sheeq. they should be at the town area. and i'm stuck at home. since i'm such a lazy bum. i've decided to find work after the grad ceremony since i feel like i need time to myself at home. its the only way i can unwind alone with no disturbances since there's no one home in the afternoon.

i rarely blog about my love life. wait... i think i've never blogged about my love life at all. well, not in detail anyways. first off, there's nothing much to blog about because my love life has hit the same rut like it did a few months ago and i thought it was getting better. Nana advised me to talk to him again and make a choice. a final choice for myself, i've yet to make that choice nor have i talked to him. it's not that i refuse to listen to what my girl's opinion on this matter is but i just feel like waiting a bit longer.

secondly, there's that reason. the reason i'm still waiting for things to get better again. the only reason i put myself through this emotional stress. that word called love. i've always known that i do the most stupidest things out of love. this is just one of those times.

i've done stupid things out of love for family
i've done stupid things out of love for exbf's. those memories are still quite fresh in my head even though those events happened years ago. nobody really knows what type of exes i have, not truly though. i've always been a person that can keep secrets from others. i know i'd feel ashamed if i let them out because those were the lowest points in my life. i let it happen not only once but countless times.

he has said before he doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend but i gave him a chance to learn, based on my horrible experiences with the opposite sex, i know close to nothing too. maybe my expectations are too high. maybe i am suffocating him somehow. maybe i shouldn't have a relationship right now.

if only he'd tell me what he wants. if only he'd open up more to me. at least i know where i'm going wrong and what i shouldn't be doing.

if only he'd listen well enough to my needs and just hear me.

i feel like i complain too much sometimes. my heart's going through yet another endless war.

adieu.

this week has been tiring, i guess. went to jb with mother for two days straight , the first day just went to larkin to send more cloth for tailoring, yesterday went again but we hit city square instead, i regret making that decision, only because i wanted to buy new makeup stuffs. we had a hard time finding the connecting bridge to go to the JB customs. its really inconvenient for visitors i think, i swear that's the last time i'll ever decide to go to city square again.

my graduation shopping is done, i'm happy that i dont have to get frustrated about the stupid rules anymore. its something black and something red, and sister said i looked nice wearing it. so i'm pretty confident i wont get in trouble for wearing it on grad day. mother and father are coming along so, i'm pretty psyched about the whole thing. even though the event only lasts three hours.

other than the days that i went out, i pretty much stayed at home. father bought DVDs two days ago and so i watched them over and over again, especially Stomp The Yard, and now i'm waiting for bride wars to finish loading.

adieu.

same old, same old

same old decisions i have to make,
same old questions i have to ask,
same old situation i'm in.

the choice i make then, will either make me or break me.
being thoughtful of someone's personal space,
doesn't necessarily work all the time.
that, i learned the hard way.

i'm not giving up just yet,
i'm not gonna let my butterfly effect go bad.

hoping this is just a brief interlude,
one that i don't want to happen ever again,
but a brief interlude nonetheless.

here's to things getting better.

just shocking!

i awoke from my nap with startling news from mother. she had just returned from a parent's talk, some kind of seminar i think.

anywho, you know how we always hear of molestation cases where those pervs are always male, well apparently a girl in my brother's class had sort of molested a male classmate by touching his privates, apparently the boy got scared to the point that he wore multiple layers of underwear to 'protect' himself. they students are barely thirteen and you hear of such stories. it's ironic though in a way, for a female let alone an adolescent girl to scare the heck out of her fellow male classmate. both need counselling especially the female student.

apparently, that female classmate of my brother's tried to do the same thing to my brother except that she got blackmailed and scolded by my brother at the same time because, from what my brother told me, he scolded the dumb girl and threatened to tell his form teacher. the bad thing was he didn't help his fellow classmate. when i asked why, he had this to say,

" eh asl haidar kene tolong die, die lelaki pe, takkan takot dgn pmpn smpai kene raba? die tak boleh bilang cikgu sendiri pe? "

i guess my brother is the sort who saves his own skin first but he'll help when his friends need it. sadly this wasn't one of those times he'll lend a hand.

adieu.

i just returned from work, today was extra special because the class celebrated Dzikkri's birthday, the birthday boy turns 6 years old tomorrow but his mother thought it would be nice to celebrate with his classmates. the cake was cute and it was cream or was it chocolate? i'm not sure since i didn't have any, cake pretty early in the morning doesn't work to well for me, i'll have an upset stomach. but i did get a party gift though i gave it to my brother already.

anywho, the kids were especially hyper today, what with the screaming, the climbing on top of the tables and the constant bickering about whose turn it is to use the colour pencils. once sister takes over my job, i'll surely miss those moments. i'll definitely miss their ceaseless chatter. those kids are just plain adorable.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

lately, i've been blog shopping just so i can find something to wear for graduation. the ceremony only lasts, what, 3 hours? and i've been fretting over my graduation ensemble for days ever since the school mailed the grad ceremony itinerary to me. i still can't get over the rules. just stupid. if my parents weren't coming i wouldn't mind not going up on stage just to collect my certs but since my parent's are coming along to 'watch' me graduate i must at least adhere to some of the stated rules, which i repeat, are damn stupid. who in their right mind would go for their graduation dressed so skimpily? maybe there were, but they could lax a bit on the rules. stupid dumbdumbs.

i've a busy day ahead, alot of household related things to do like grocery shopping and whatnot's, and later in the evening i'll be visiting my Nyai, i hope she wouldn't nag at me since i didn't visit her last week. hehs. i think she enjoys my company and if i don't visit her at least once a week she'll nag. but all's good. i understand that she's lonely since my Grandfather passed away two years ago.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i'd better take my nap first before mother comes home.

adieu.

had an impromptu meet up with Nana, Nadd and Shaie at CP. Nana called me just as i was waking up which was around noon? hehes, been sleeping like a pig since im still jobless.

they came from RP, where Nadd had her lappy configured. met them at the mrt control station and we made our rounds through CP, that was after we had our meal.

we had our usual convos, then went about CP going in and out of stores looking at random stuffs. then about an hour or more after that, we headed our separate ways. Nana had to go home, Nadd and Sulhi went to catch a movie i think while Shaie and me went to John Little to look at make up stuffs. then after that Shaie made her way to Tampines to meet Wan. so i made my way home after that.

all in all i had a nice time with them even though it was a short while.

now i'm back at home and i have nothing lese to do except for blogging, facebook-ing and just surf the net looking at random stuffs and reading random articles and just plain bloghopping.

i haven't met boyfriend for awhile, i'm thinking of bringing him to Henderson Wave or go cycling at ECP, do a healthy activity once in awhile. well let's see how much energy i have before i start whining about being tired, i'm not necessarily the most active person around and i'll bet you that my health and fitness is at it's lowest.

i so need to get a job soon.

adieu.

tag replies.

15 Apr 09, 22:40
Nadd: HAHAHA! stop it with dulu TEET TEET. Skrg TEET lahhh!! Sound so tetek-ish!! Hahaha!!
ish nadd, nrz was talking about the beep sounds, asl pikir jauh nah smpai ke tetek. ? hahaha!

15 Apr 09, 10:56
nrz: agree much abt the TEET when we tap our ezlink. dulu TEET TEET.
skrg, TEET, makes me heart break. ):
i agree also! :) i don't feel like going out now becos of the adult fare thingy.

15 Apr 09, 01:46
shaie: the stupid "teet" from the ezlink thing can make me go deaf! pfft.
"teet"? i thought the sounds was sposed to be a "beep"?, i agree with the going deaf part though.

15 Apr 09, 01:45
shaie: just wear a dress and a cardigan babe! all the girls ahhh! hehehe
tht's what Dee said but i'm still not sure though.

14 Apr 09, 20:04
Nadd: Ahhh,i'm depressed about the stupid adult fare. Yok,complain kat govt.
Or we make a scene abt it. Or we go for a strike!! okay,i better shut up!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! i so miss you complete your own sentences moment nadd. :)

i'm feeling lethargic

i've been sleeping like a pig lately, i think i'm going to get sick pretty soon cos i feel so lethargic lately thus the reasons i've been sleeping like a pig. i seriously need to get a job soon. Zura and Nuruz have jobs already. Nana, Nadd and Shaie are starting school on the 20th and i'm still stuck at home getting rejected by different companies. sucks as of now.

other than the fact that i'm lamenting about not getting a job yet life at home has been pretty rough? normal stuff, what with sister and her constant late nights that have mother and father arguing with themselves about. a word of advice sister, please learn to listen once in awhile. i'm going to get back to my depressed mode pretty soon with all the tension i feel at home. Mr Moon is still sick. i'm going to be sick pretty soon, both physically and mentally sick. thus my decision to sleepover at my Nyai's house just to escape the tension for a day or two.

still graduation outfit hunting. still job hunting.

my post today is quite random?

i don't know, i'm feeling frustrated all of a sudden.

life sucks.

adieu.

job hunting, bus fares, murder mysteries and buried treasure.

the bus system has started to deduct adult fares from my ITE ezlink card, and i just lost $3 just by going to bedok, tampines then back to woodlands. i don't think i'm going out that often now that traveling by public transport is going to burn a huge hole in my pocket. gone are the days where i can choose to go wherever i like without worrying about the bus fare. gone are the double beeps i've been accustomed to hearing whenever i board the bus, in it's place a loud single beep, a constant reminder that i'll be using adult fare from now on. seriously though, that loud single beep is freaking irritating.

oh, i'm still looking for a job mind you. i want to try just one more time if by then i don't get a job at a lab i'll resign myself to working at my aunt's place. at least the pay's good. but for now i'll just use the time i have at home to just soak in the quietness and emptiness of the house, since the family will be home only after 6. it really is peaceful and relaxing.

on a side note, have you guys watched that new tv series " Harper's Island ". it's like a cluedo whodunit mystery solving thingy except acted out for you on tv. i liked the pilot episode where the murderer claimed two victims. it's cool that it's sort of interactive because you get to try to solve the murder mystery as the episodes go week by week, but i'm prolly gonna just watch and wait for the murderer to be revealed at the end of the series, with 25 suspects that's a long list to choose from.

the other new show, " The Last Templar ", it's not bad either but i'm not a fan of adventure/treasure hunting type plot. its kinda predictable, but the show's for you if you're a fan of the Indiana Jones movie series. on the plus side though it has a bit of history woven into the plot, so you learn something if you follow it diligently i think.

i'll be off in awhile, survey some grad outfits for graduation day. duh! i think i'm going to pick the shoes first, either pumps or heels. i kinda hate the school now for imposing so many stupid rules for graduation. what we can wear what we cannot wear. it's OUR graduation for crying out loud. stupid dumbdumbs!

adieu.

this is an overdue picture from the outing with the babygirl. during the night after we exhausted ourselves bitching and talking about stuffs. Shaie suggested that we try out writing our names using a light stick. in this case Shaie's light pen? we had fun doing it. though we did have to try alot of times what matters was we had fun doing it. i sure had fun taking random pics of the girls. i'm gonna do that more often.

this past few days getting the chance to relax at home and basically have time to myself after frequent outings with everyone i know is a much welcomed brief reprieve that i really needed. i found the time to finally do my laundry and clean my corner of the room, my dressing table has start to look like a sparrows nest. cluttered with my belongings, i kinda neglected that tiny space since i've been sleeping in my brother's room lately.

these pictures are from the day mother, sister and me went cloth shopping for the coming Hari Raya which is months away. we've sent those cloths for tailoring at Larkin, JB. in two-three months time i can see how it turns out. and after that can do my annual Raya shopping for accessories and whatnots.

adieu.

i've had a tiring week so far, been out almost everyday. i planned to go Sentosa tomorrow with Mr Moon but sadly he has the flu, so that plan is cancelled. the thing is i don't want to stay at home uh. nothing to do.

anyways congrats to babygirl Azura for getting the job after her successful interview. i screwed the interview only because i didn't know how to answer questions about what we studied in school. pfft!

pretty much looks like i'm going to end up working with my aunt, that's not a bad thing really but i just feel it's a waste of my time in ITE and not be able to get work in a lab, any lab for that matter.

Nana, Nadd and Shaie all got courses in RP, which means there's a high chance of me seeing them frequently since their new campus will only be 5 mins walk from my place.

that's about it i guess, told you my life is boring that i don't really have anything to post about. gone are the days where i usually have the long posts. chey, mcm phm je bbl.

adieu.

p\s: girls, pictures will be at my facebook.

so far this week i've been pretty busy, what with the interviews i have to go to. the copies of certs and transcripts i have to prepare. do a little bit of research about the company i'm going to interview at. busy busy bee, i am.

my week started very nicely, only because i finally got to see my babygirls after so long. gaahs. i had a wonderful time even though i'm the one who's always listening to their convos and just being quiet. i like to observe i guess. though we haven't net for quite awhile, there wasn't much to talk about except for our plans in the future. i hope the next fortnight all of us will be able to meet up again and do our usual crazy stuffs and be our usual crazy self bitching and talking about anything, well they will, i'll be sitting listening on and just laugh or giggle at the appropriate time. hehs.

i've yet to upload the pictures from our date on Mon, hopefully by the end of this week.

and i think i'm losing interest in blogging, i don't know why. maybe it's just a feeling. one of them reasons is because i have nothing to blog about. life has been pretty mundane despite me being busy with job related stuffs.

and and, i haven't met Mr Moon for what, 2, 3 weeks? i miss him. i'm gonna pinch his handsome sharp nose when i get to meet him, hopefully this friday cos i ajak sister to go sentosa with me. hehs

adieu,

TGIF?

Internet connection has been bitchy, it has made sending resumes and checking my email pretty difficult. not to mention the fact that i can't go and surf the job search engines in peace. hopefully it will behave today. i have alot to do today. and i don't know where to start yet.

I'll bet my last dollar that my April would be awfully boring, if not then good for me.

adieu.