saved previous post as draft, seems ironic and later you'll know why.

have a happy new year people.

my very fickle mind

just a few hours ago, sometime in the afternoon, i decided not to go to watch the fireworks at Marina Sq. msged the ex-beau to cancel it. then, sister said that she'll just be at woodlands to go watch the NYE Countdown and fireworks there. and now, i decided to go watch the fireworks at woodlands. which is after realising i won't be able to go watch the fireworks somewhere quiet and alone with him because i actually wanted to meet and talk with him. still have no idea why i want to do that in the first place.

my thoughts get jumbled up whenever i think of him. well it wouldn't have happened if he didn't text me a week ago. i would have been happier, forgetting what we had or lack thereof. all I'm doing lately is pretend. I'm the pretend queen, that's what i am. again, i wished he would make up his mind. then again, i guess I'm the problem, not telling him what he really meant to me because i have that feeling he wouldn't understand. I'm not trying, i just refuse to try, always wishing that someone will tell him but knowing i should be the one doing the telling.

i always wonder if he actually even liked me. i am such a coward.

my fickle mind just thought of something else. it just told me to go text the ex-beau and invite him to watch the fireworks here, in woodlands. after the msging him and cancelling the 'accompany me to watch the fireworks can, i don't know who else to ajak'. now i have to text him again and ajak him again, to accompany me to watch the fireworks here. then maybe we can chill somewhere else. which is not gonna happen. I'll just imagine what he'll think when i text him again after cancelling it in the first place. someone needs to knock some sense into me. like knock me real hard. seriously.


i love him, i still do
but i just refuse to try
telling him how i feel.

adieu

random update

a few more days to NYE. i decided to watch the fireworks at Marina Sq then proceed back to woodlands to chill and maybe join in the post new year party there. i kinda asked the ex bf to accompany me because i didn't want to be burdened with the awkwardness of bringing a date just to watch the fireworks. I'd rather bring someone i know, regardless of the past between us. and I'm happy that he said that he'll be free. though I'm not putting that much hope on him making it for the fireworks display. well, some memories of him die hard.

sister will also be doing something like me, just catch the fireworks from Marina Sq, then head back to woodlands. she's doing that because alot of her friends are performing at the NYE countdown party in woodlands.

one thing is for sure, Marina Sq is going to be damn crowded, then again, when is it ever not crowded?

adieu

Xmas present

mother bought for me a new pair of Converse sneakers on account that my sibs got new pairs of shoes recently and she didn't feel right that i didn't have a new pair too. so i followed her to CP to go pick out new sneakers at the converse outlet.

a pair of Jack Purcell's caught my eyes first. it was a shade of light creamish brown, very soft colour. too bad they didn't have my size. the size four was a bit too fitting for me, so i asked for a size 4 1/2 or a size 5 but they only had a size four and other sizes starting from the number 7. i really liked the shoe and the shoe colour.

so i looked at the other colours and designs available. i chose a red and cream coloured one. actually the cream had a pinkish hue to it, i think because of the deep red laces. it was a nice color combination.

so it was sort of a Xmas present laa, since i got it on Xmas day.

i know, my logic amazes me sometimes too.

adieu.

im hurting so much inside, you don't even know

i was just beginning to slowly purge you from my system and you had to text me out of the blue. saying that you missed me. and after that fateful call on Monday afternoon, i don't know what to feel anymore. it really sucks, you know, second guessing myself. it's like my confidence went flying out the window when it comes to you. the worst thing was that you sounded like you never did anything wrong.

why can't you make up your mind. if you still want me then just say so. don't leave me hanging on a string again like what you started doing 5 months ago. don't keep me guessing when you are not ready to give me the answer. just make up your mind will you.

i still care for you too much,
my feelings for you are still strong,
i still think of you every single day,
i can't find it in my heart to hate you like what you deserve.

fact is, i started loving you the day you let me go, and now it doesn't even matter because you'll never know how i felt about you, what i am still feeling for you.

i'd rather die a thousand deaths than go through this pain cos' boy, you made my heart a warzone.

Twilight

i finally got around to watch Twilight, and i wasn't dissapointed, despite having read all the books. the excitement came because i finally see the book , which was beautifully written by Stephenie Meyer, come to life. it wasn't as good as the dreams i had of the book but just as satisfying. yeah, i had dreams because i was that much addicted to the whole saga. the storyline was captivating. i'm 100% sure i'll be dreaming of Edward Cullen tonight.

anyways, i'll give the movie 3.5/5 rating. only because i've read the book and i feel they could have done a better job casting certain people. the leads did an amazing job, especially Robert Pattinson. i like the dark humour used in the movie, and all the sarcastic remarks which were said during the length of the film.



i love the people casted as the Cullens with the exception of Bella. i'd love to be Alice Cullen since she can see into the future, i think that's so cool and she's so happy-go-lucky. Jasper was weird funny in the movie since he's the newest vegetarian. Rosalie hates Bella so much that it was actually quite enjoying to watch all that hatred on that perfect face. Emmett, he seemed so brotherly in the movie. i so wouldn't mind spending forever with them.



as for Edward Cullen's character, i'd say he's about the most perfect man i've read and watched about. guys should learn a thing or two from him.

i love the fact that he's respectful, the ultimate gentleman, knows how to compromise and learns how to put his ego out of the way in certain situations. and most of all how he loves Bella unconditionally. i came to this conclusion after reading all four books in the saga, not by just watching the first movie. yeah, i know i'm not being realistic regarding what exemplifies the perfect man but a girl can dream can't she.

i'd kill to have someone love me that way and have all the qualities mentioned above even if a little. the things i would do to have it forever.

my most favourite quote from the Twilight Franchise so far,

Edward Cullen: [to Bella] You are my life now.

*sighs* I'd give all the love in the world possible to the one meant for me, if he were to say that.

photos of babygirl nuruz and me, hee. i forgot to mention i watched the movie with her in my excitement.

adieu

p/s: i'll be dreaming of edward cullen always.

stupid mofos

matreps & minahreps, when will we be rid of them.

they are a pathetic excuse of the malay teen. they're the reason why i sometimes cherish the fact when a stranger mistakes me for a chinese. a moment of bliss i tell you. you would think that their elders would teach them a thing or two about anything before letting them loose on society. guess that never happened.

they think they are so superior. what would they know about hip hop fashion to criticize sister's fashion sense when they don't even know how to wear their caps properly, go join a circus laa if you want to learn how to balance your caps mofos.

in the first place have they even heard of pastry kicks? one of the most sought after kicks worn by the hip hop community? i didn't think so because they mistaken it for basketball shoes. they should just learn to keep their traps shut. as usual those morons were in a group that's why they dared to say those stupid things. i swear to you they wouldn't even dare to say such things if they were alone.

oh and the same goes to the minahreps. they are no diff than their male counterparts.

i'm only saying this cos i've been one of them, sampah masyarakat. well yeah they don't like it when people say that to them, so i know how it feels. being seen as rubbish didn't appeal to me after a long while so i got up and tried to wash it off. and i did.

when you finally asked me to call, you talk as if we didn't break up, i seriously don't know what to feel anymore. my heart is a war zone.

JP2

just came back from JP2, which is jurong point 2. they had nothing better to do but to enlarge the current jurong point by adding a new wing. it was freaking crowded and the network coverage there is like fuck. maybe it's just me and it isn't my day but everything is like fuck.

i don't think it's the weekend that's the reason why it's so fucking crowded because i can walk in Marina sq on a weekend with no problem. i guess it's the kiasuness that's got people flocking there. it's just a typical heartland mall, nothing new. trust the singaporean attitude will you, all that kiasuness has got to have a limit.

i shouldn't have followed mother then. should've just stayed at home and rot away sleeping. gaahs!!

goodbye, i feel like screaming at everything.

american stand up comedy

katt williams, " i might be a vicious ass koala bear, did you ever investigate that?"

i like his brand of comedy, it's just amazing how many swear words he can put in one and half hour of stand up comedy.

just my luck

damn it!
my lappy crashed again, third time this year. i can't find the discs to reformat my lappy. just great. i can't update my blog with pictures no more. using the desktop is pure torture. it hangs half the time i use it and it is slow to upload. gaahs!!

this also means i have absolutely have nothing, NOTHING to do the rest of the term break. well there are a few other things i can do actually like rot at home sleeping or stuff my face with food. so much for looking after my physical health. pfft! by the time i return to school i'll be a fat pig with matching curly hair. haahs! imagine that.

ooh, this just in. the countdown party decision has been postponed again, since sister told me she isn't really sure if she is performing at Vivo. she says there is a countdown party at woodlands but that is totally gonna be boring. i want to go somewhere fun and mingle with complete strangers for the night for just the new year's eve. i want to unburden myself of the things that happened in 2008 and get lost in the moment of partying. i kinda miss that i guess, it has been quite long since I've been to a party. all i want is to get lost in the moment and forget.

enough laa, I'm starting to depress myself.

adieu readers.

girl's night out

just came back from the much awaited dinner date with my lovely ladies, we had dinner at Lau Pa Sat, since i'm soo used to reporting to my parents if i've reached a certain place, i text-ed father and he replied, " lu apa pasat." what the....

i'll admit it was kinda funny now that i thought about it. father will crack jokes at my expense if only to embarass me. pffft!!

after dinner we walked to the boat quay area to chill and catch up. i was glad that i could finally sit down properly since i was wearing heels. i always wanted an excuse to wear those heels, the black one with floral detail on it. now when i'm back home i can hardly walk properly, jalan mcm mak nenek gitu and my cats are not helping much, they keep biting my already red almost swollen feet. sheesh!!

we took pictures and i finally got my belated birthday kisses and hugs from my babes. i feel so happy laa. we also had a brownie feeding session and lucky no one had the heart to sabo us, me and nuruz , since all of us were dressed quite nicely. zura looked like she came from an important meeting minus the briefcase, i looked like i was ready to go shopping in the town area with the heels i was wearing with that little clutch i was holding. felt all socialite like. haahs, ngah feeling2 nicole richie.

then again just enjoy the pictures aye, if not i'll never stop blabbing about the night. as they say a picture paints a thousand words anyways. enjoy ^^,

congratulations

sister passed her n levels with 8 points.
yeah she proved me wrong
and i'm happy for her.

cousin's outing @ Sentosa

yesterday, was fun though i didn't exactly enter the waters at Palawan Beach. i was kinda lazy to play in the water so i was the designated bag watcher. haahs

we did alot of catching up, talked about life, guys and all girl type conversations. babybro was the only boy there. the hot thorn amongst the beautiful roses. hehs

so here are the pictures in no particular order. enjoy people ^^,
there're no captions by the way, i lazy.















yang nie, aku tangkap glamour. haahs






then, there's the photographs that were taken by cousin Jane. very nice shots
again, enjoy people. ^^,





and finally, shots of my cousins having fun in the water.







and that's all. i was shagged, from keeping an eye on the bags. hehs.

out on the town

let the pictures do the talking. ",

monday blues? nope.

so yeah, today is the start of the term break, 3 weeks of blissful free days. yeah. though i don't think I'll be that free any longer.

on the 17th is sentosa's cousin outing, mother's side. can't wait.
on the 18th will be the day babybro gets his school posting results. hope he gets the school of his choice, he gets to take Chinese as a third language by the way.
on the 19th I'll be doing the sisterly duty of accompanying him to his new school for the orientation process including buying him his books and his uniform since my parents won't be able to make it. so anyone want to tag along? it'll be a great help since the the books will be heavy. hehs.

then the only other day I'll not be free is on new year's eve and new year's day itself. other days I'll be totally free. so babygirls I'm just a phone call or text msg away.

right now I'm waiting for sister and syasya aka lil dope to reach the crib since we're going out to town later in the afternoon. i'm already dressed and with make-up on. i know very kiasu right? i'm very sexcited lah. so long never go out to town, eversince the attachment started. once term break is over, i'll have no life again. pfft!!

i'll update again later in the day.

sayonara for now.

my decision

i've decided, like finally after a few days having a heated debate within myself, i'm going to a countdown party. The Vivo countdown party that is. since sister is performing and i'm not gonna miss it again. who cares if I'm alone, who knows I'll make new friends during the party. at least i won't go home empty handed. heheh. sister will be busy mingling with her circle of people, it's more like publicity for her, the more people know her the better. so, yeah.

initially, i wanted to wear my blue top with jeans or maybe a denim skirt and heels. but sister was like, " there'll be alot of people u know, won't ur feet get tired from all the pushing? ". and i said, " but it's new year eve party, can't i wear something dressy and look more my age."

sister has this idea of buying me new kicks when she gets her pay. i swear to you wearing any type of kicks with the blue top and the denim skirt will make me look 16 when i should be 19.
having people think i look younger than i actually am is starting to wear thin on me. maybe it's a good thing because my facial features age slowly but that's about it. seriously.

enough of me yapping about myself. before i forget, anyone wants to tag along to the new year's eve party at Vivo? babygirls, anyone of you want to?

nieoygrehgilregremkbfhdighre

geez!
i am SOO fickle. that's about the second time i wanted to go on hiatus but here i am. pffftt!!
i've saved the previous post as draft by the way.

let me see,
i'm stuck here at home and i have nothing to do. sister has gone off for work and later she'll be attending Popcorn Playa 3 sometime in the evening. i'll bet you that she'll return home late. pfft!!

now that she has a boyfriend, i'll be even more alone at home. jealous? maybe. it's ridiculous i know to envy her, my sister, just 'cause she has a boyfriend. i am so pathetic. she already has new year plans. since she's performing at vivo's countdown party. i've no plans for new year's eve. i don't know where to go but i've planned what i want to wear. initially i decided to tag along with sister to vivo, watch her performance and do the countdown there. then, i decided that i don't mix with her crowd of people and so i cancelled and decided to stay home.

now. i don't know what to decide anymore. sheesh!
if only i have transport, i don't have to worry about getting home. wanting to take a cab home from vivo back to woodlands had me second guessing myself. the thing is i don't want to stay at home during new year's eve. i want to go out somewhere and celebrate. really celebrate.

basically it's like,
go vivo or somewhere, celebrate new year and meet new people or stay at home and sulk all day long?

sucha bonus question. -_-'

p/s: anyone going to any new year party??

Random Updates

like i promised here are the updates. ^^,



this is proof i've read breaking dawn. hee.




let the pictures do the talking aye. haahs

im so freaking bored right now, i can do almost anything. almost. ouh before i go there's this quote i came across.

Love is ironic. Only when you hurt someone they realise they truly love you.
We shall always fall in love with the people who break our hearts. Love gushes
out of the ruptures of a broken heart and then sends shivers to the whole of our
existence. Love has to come out somehow and that is usually through pain and
hurting. A heart which is unwilling to be broken, is unable to love. Similarly,
if you cannot break someone's heart, it is a sign that they shall never truly
love you
- Philippos

Twilight Saga

I'm a happy, happy girl cos I've finally finished reading the Twilight Saga.

got the last book, breaking dawn yesterday evening and i finished reading it around 4 in the morning. sister thinks I'm a freak for reading so fast and for reading non-stop. freak or no freak, I'm finally done. the ending was awesome, for me lah. so Shaie, better start reading your collection soon okay. haha.

oh, before i forget, I'd like to thank dear cousin Jane for introducing me to the series. i don't feel so left out anymore since I've done with the reading. but i still do want to buy the books. one read is never enough. i doubt I'll ever be tired of reading them.

I'll update more later, starting with the unplanned meet up with Nana and the "study session" with Shan.

you have never contacted me since the break-up, did i mean nothing to you or do you mean to stand by your word of us going our separate ways? i don't know why I'm hoping so much for your return when I've read the signs which are telling me otherwise. god help me.

Random Updates

the meet up was cancelled. hmmm, i soo wanted to meet them. well there are other days and my term break is coming up. yeayy!

i went shopping instead, with mother. bought two tops at Metro and another two cardigans/tops at Dano. finally my closet has new clothes inside. i've asked mother to remind me to clean out my closet during the term break since i've a lot of clothes i can't wear. anyways, sister has complained that her clothes are getting bigger since up till now we've been sharing the clothes. pfft!

i'll admit i've gotten abit more chubbier. a whole lot more chubbier. i can't fit into a size 26-28 jeans anymore, that depends on the cutting of the jeans. which absolutely sucks.

anyways,
i've got a birthday burger from nuruz on Monday a few more wishes from friends and acquaintances.

sayonara readers.

sick

I'm down with a cold, and i don't have the cash to go see a doctor. wonder how i'll explain that to Mr Roy??

anyways,
later at 5.45 pm, I'll be meeting the twins ( read Zura and Nana), at woodlands control station. I'm soo looking forward to it.

to nuruz, I'm sorry i never come for the free labour today. i see you tmrw okay?

okay I'm done ",

how can i have closure if it's your face i see when I'm asleep. you're everything i see and i fucking hate it, can't you just go away.

random updates/tag replies

s'posed to go for a dinner thingy with a friend but his fiancee came back to singapore for awhile to accompany him to the dinner, and so i'm off teman'ing duty. heheh.

just so you know, he asked his fiancee's permission for me to accompany him to the dinner. i didn't want to follow actually since he is someone's future husband but his fiancee asked me nicely if i could accompany him for the duration of the dinner since he doesn't like his female colleagues, so i said yes. but since she came back unexpectedly i was glad that i didn't have to go all the way to some hotel just to have dinner.

went over to CP to meet my parents instead, and have dinner at BK walked around CP. and i saw one of our old classmates, Zulfadli. was surprised to see him in his army uniform. hehs he looked smart. he just had his P.O.P by the way.

so i talked with him for awhile. we both asked how we were doing, talked about school, talked about n.s and we were done. he looked different but he's still the same old Zul i knew from school, especially the way he talks.


TAG REPLIES

syidah: hey gerl.. happy birthday!! sorry for tor the late wish..
Syasya: Happy birthday! Chey sudah 19 la dia. Makin "tua" sehhhhh. Sudah cukup legal babe!
izzaidah: yay yay, I wish lambat? -_- Happy Belated 19th Myra! I sayang youuu.
myra: thanks soo much for the wishes. i sayang and miss each and everyone of you, except for syasya since i see you almost every week. hehe. jk oni uh.

akucute!!!: myra sombong!!! kite msg die tk reply. hmpph! btw azura hashim rindu giler abak nye dgn myra helmy!!!!!! rindu sangat2!!!
myra-aku_ute!!!: kite tk sombong, cume setiap kali nk check hp, sakit hati je. idk why i'm still waiting for his msgs lah.. anyways. kite myra helmy rindu gilerbabitklehangkatkalotklehangkatlugiangkatkakijlnsuar kat azura "cute" hashim. nie betol tk bedeknye. hehe. MUACKSSS!!!

NADD: Your kisses on the way from tampines! wait tau!
myra-nadd: NOOO!! I CANNOT WAIT!!. fedex jelah tu bdae kiss. hee

Happy Birthday to Me!!

i finally turn 19. definitely getting older. haha.
went out for dinner with the family. that's all nothing much.
and of course i would like to thank all those who wished me on my birthday.

dear Jane, my babygirls, Dee's babygirls, Ajan/Jannah, Kak Arafah, Li Hong(caught me by surprise, this one) and of course not to forget my family. no birthday kisses yet. boohoo! hehs

oh yeah, before i forget, the funniest and sweetest wish i got was from Sheeq. as told by sister dear, Sheeq sang me a birthday song while i was asleep. haha. weird girl, why didn't you wake me up. haha.

what were they thinking?

a couple things happened that pissed me off, one of them was yesterday.
saw an ex and he had the guts to look at me like i made all the mistakes. bloody fuck.

and today, I'd rather not go into all the details. basically i teman-ed mother to go to this wedding thingy at bedok north. it was actually my so called cousin's wedding but since that uncle of mine, who happens to be one of mother's elder brother who is also the father to the 'cousin' who was getting married, never has he invited us to anything because of some measly thing that made his stoopid wife upset and which also happened eons ago, which in turn led him to sever ties with the family. when that happened, years ago, i went, " so yeah, whatever".

now the thing is, out of the blue he invited us to his son's wedding. we didn't even know that the fella was already engaged. pfft!! so, mother wanted to go to show that he still needs his siblings even though he has treated them like invalids. yadayadayada, so well you get the gist of it. make your own conclusion.

back to point,
mother had her second eldest brother fetch us from home and i thought that only mother and me were going, babybro was the last min addition. then we proceeded to go fetch my maternal grandma and the bibik. everything went topsy turvy when mother's sister called to say she wanted to tag along, okay here comes the juicy part, her heavily pregnant daughter wanted to come too.

eh come on lahh, use your brain, for what you want to come along to a wedding of an ungrateful uncle whose son is getting married. and you're freaking pregnant, heavily pregnant. who's gonna answer if anything happens to you?? this got me pissed even more.

i was already pissed when my aunt couldn't give proper instructions to her place, like wtf? you can't even give simple straight directions to your OWN place. i wonder what will happen if she gets lost. pfft!! she got my uncle driving in circles and we were late to the stoopid wedding, the only reason i even went to the stoopid wedding was because mother asked me nicely to tag along, so i couldn't say no even if it was a matter of life and death. had to exaggerate that part abit. sorry. heh

in conclusion, my weekend started pretty fucken wonderful.

for the ex

don't you dare look at me as if i made you the victim,
when in reality, you were the one who victimized me.

two words,
FUCK OFF!!

i'm in need of closure,

badly.

.

.

.

.

okay, maybe not that bad, but i do need closure.

matters of the heart, no one will ever figure them out.

random update

i'm going to have tissue paper dreams pretty soon.

bleaghs!!

and attachment like fuck,

when we finish the work given, we end cutting tissue paper the rest of the day

pfftt!!

Random Updates

crashed at my uncle's crib, he lives in Boon Lay by the way. its not often that i get to visit, so i looked forward to it since yesterday. i'm never dissapointed when i visit, my aunt usually cooks superb tasting dishes whenever my family comes over. today was no different. she cooked asam pedas ikan pari, black pepper chicken, prawn cooked with veggies and her sambal belacan was to die for.

YUMMMMYYY!!!

then all of us talked about all sorts of stuff, from how my studies were coming along, where i plan to work and last of all we talked about animals. everything about wildlife. that talk started because i said i planned to work in the zoo if i couldn't further my studies. the best thing was, the cable tv at my uncle's was tuned into animal planet and then to national geographic.

so, i can safely say that my relatives, mostly on my father's side are true blue animal lovers. it's gives me a nice feeling when talking to people who know what i am talking about, cos they're never confused, adults especially because a few relatives don't understand where my passion for animals comes from. my uncle encouraged me to follow my passion. and i'm gonna do just that. ^^,

well anyways, tmrw is the first day of free labour(read; in-house attachment), i'm looking forward to it only a bit, just a margin. seriously though, i'm not that thrilled so much so because it's on campus and i'l still be studying for lab maths at the same time

on a much lighter note, at least i'm not alone.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

- Unknown

babygirls, we do more than poke each other with straws, i'm missing u ladies soo much.

Random Updates

a few funny things happened today,

first of all i got liquid paper on my face, accidentally, thanks to nadd & nana for helping me get it off my face and fingers. i think the pictures of me are on shaie's phone. credits to zura for snapping them. ^^,

and later i said something to nana on the way home from her jab. trust me to try and describe something, and it turns out to sound like something dirty. haahs.

and lastly, congrats to babybro for passing his PSLE better than i did.

he got, C for his maths and B for the rest of his subjects.

and now i've only left to help him choose his school.

them brats

two of my most favourite people in the world, though they can be really annoying, irritating and downright mean sometimes, i still love them.

it's rare that im posting about some thing other than my life, which is kinda messed up in a way. blogger's block i guess, because i don't know what to post about.

haahs, random.

sayonara. ",

presenting our auditor

two words
.
.
.
.
.
GO FIGURE!!

seriously, i have no words as to how to describe Fir's very juicy pose. quoted that from Nadd's blog.

today, short and sweet.
tmrw, ???????

we dont have much to do for practical since we've ended our phase test, so no more studying for practical, cept for the projectwork thingy.


sayonara readers.