i remember...

i remember the 'friends' i made outside of school
i remember the people i couldn't trust in school
i remember skipping school all the time
i remember how my closest 'friends' talk when they thought i wasn't around.
and, i remember that none of them in school knew what i was like outside of school.

i remember i was in a fight with my 'best friend' just cause of words being passed around
i remember how i got drunk that very night but amazingly it didn't show the next morning,
i remember being so blatant about school work that i preferred to come late so as to pretend that i didn't know anything but i always managed to scrape through my exams.

i remember the first BOY i dated, how sad that my first relationship had to be so tumultuous.
and the assholes who came after him were more abusive than the last.
i remember the other boy who become dependent on me for material stuff.
i remember the one who lied alot.
i remember the one who made me so jaded that being in love was never again possible.

i remember being so angry with everything MY life had to offer that i took it out on my parents
i remember all the stupid fights i had just because everyone and anyone pissed me off
i remember sneaking out of the house just to piss my parents off.
i remember that i couldn't care less if i disappointed anyone, especially my parents.

i remember being the most selfish person alive
and i remember how i would be such a different person in school not knowing that it would affect me so much later.

i remember saying to myself that i will never, ever regret anything in life.
because regret will get me nowhere and so i swear i will never, ever regret this list of crimes.
and i MUST remember that i should face the consequences bravely and not hide behind my depression.

pray with me and pray for me,
'cos i need to see a glimmer of hope some time in the near future.