just a few hours ago, sometime in the afternoon, i decided not to go to watch the fireworks at Marina Sq. msged the ex-beau to cancel it. then, sister said that she'll just be at woodlands to go watch the NYE Countdown and fireworks there. and now, i decided to go watch the fireworks at woodlands. which is after realising i won't be able to go watch the fireworks somewhere quiet and alone with him because i actually wanted to meet and talk with him. still have no idea why i want to do that in the first place.
my thoughts get jumbled up whenever i think of him. well it wouldn't have happened if he didn't text me a week ago. i would have been happier, forgetting what we had or lack thereof. all I'm doing lately is pretend. I'm the pretend queen, that's what i am. again, i wished he would make up his mind. then again, i guess I'm the problem, not telling him what he really meant to me because i have that feeling he wouldn't understand. I'm not trying, i just refuse to try, always wishing that someone will tell him but knowing i should be the one doing the telling.
i always wonder if he actually even liked me. i am such a coward.
my fickle mind just thought of something else. it just told me to go text the ex-beau and invite him to watch the fireworks here, in woodlands. after the msging him and cancelling the 'accompany me to watch the fireworks can, i don't know who else to ajak'. now i have to text him again and ajak him again, to accompany me to watch the fireworks here. then maybe we can chill somewhere else. which is not gonna happen. I'll just imagine what he'll think when i text him again after cancelling it in the first place. someone needs to knock some sense into me. like knock me real hard. seriously.
i love him, i still do
but i just refuse to try
telling him how i feel.
adieu
No comments:
Post a Comment