i'll start of this post with a picture of one of my six cats, the humongous bully Boboi. ;)
everything he does will make the family laugh, btw he is the black ad white coloured cat, the one sleeping next to him is Lucky, our resident king of the household. hehs
we all adore Boboi 'cept for when he steals our food from the wok or whatever it is that has food in it. he gets more than enough food, i mean he weighs 7kg man. thats pretty heavy for a cat that is only a year and a half old. he always licks his food bowl clean anyways, so i don't see why he has to go and steal our food. sheesh!!
well, now back to my reality. this past few weeks since the pill tripping episode, i've finally made some conclusions and choices of my own.
firstly,
seeing that my parents are supportive and just expect me to graduate from ITE imma do just that. i guess they realise that im not up to any heavy responsibilities right now with my mental unstableness and all. i really am grateful but i should have done better seeing that science was my forte in secondary school. im lacking right now in that area cos i stuttered and stumbled through my GC prac test. i have to study harder for the next AC class test and the AC phase test on HPLC- another machine i have no fucking idea about- and i have to start revising all the BCT notes to get myself ready for the exam in september. first i have to obtain all the missing notes and fill in all the blanks that i have accumulated.
secondly,
i wanna be and will be a more healthier me. first reason is that i miss the svelte figure i had, and of cos i miss being able to fit in every single article of clothing i have. i had to throw some of them cos i just couldnt fit in them anymore. but there were some pieces i kept just to see if i can ever fit in them again. i was a 36-25-36 kinda girl but all the fat in my butt has fallen to my thighs and thats why my butt looks small. well bf likes them anyhow. and if i really am serious bout this change i can get that 36-25-36 figure back.
i will also be starting to eat a little bit healthier, bf will be happy hearing this cos i finnaaallllyyy listened to him and of cos exercise more to make the excess baggage go away. looking at the excess fat all over my body everyday in the mirror is starting to get on my nerves. oh how i just wish that i could tear them away from my body. by doing this i may have some of my lost confidence back.
one more thing, i thought this through and i have to say that i detest being called papan or lidi or whatever. i feel like im an inanimate object being called that. cos those things arent breathing and by calling me so it insinuates that im not a living being. im sorry if this is harsh but im conscious bout how i look like. i lack confidence thats all. and u should be grateful that u still have ur confidence about the way u look. even though u said im thin, im not. period.
p/s im not referring to anyone in particular, just letting it all out cos lately people have been calling me that, especially my relatives because my family has that full figured gene ( is there such a thing as that??), i dont need it from them and i dont like it. period.
thirdly, this will prolly be the hardest of them all.
learning to love myself before i love others, this is quoted from my Kak Yul. i have to try i guess, i wont know if i dont try right??
and she also said
" dont be nice to others just because you dont want to hurt their feelings, if someone says something mean to you, you have every right to reciprocate their words, if they feel hurt by what u said maybe u should remind them that they just insulted your being and u have every human right to do that to them as well, no matter if the person is a relative or a friend, if you just forgive them by not standing your ground and stating your fact they will step on your head, remember this okay sayang??"
i guess thats about it, mother is now practicing her essay writing, im thinking of disturbing her lah. or maybe i shud join in and write a essay of my own, i gave her the title " my life as a mother " ,to work on. i think i shall write my own essay and compare it to hers and let her see the diffs and let her mark it on her own by using mine as a guide. so far this method has worked and her english writing improved abit. as for her conversations, lets just say that i laugh first before answering her qns.
p/s sorry mother but u just sound funny when u speak in english, like nana & zura says
" bebual jangan gelojoh!"
sayonara readers.
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