unwell

the medicine has been giving me heart pains this past few days and it has left me really weak.

i thought i went to the hospital for an emergency checkup, but in reality i didnt,
i thought i had dressed to go for the checkup, alone, but in reality i didnt.
i thought i had stepped out of the house, but in reality i didnt.
it was all a dream, a very vivid dream.
this dreams i have been having are starting to scare the life out of me.
i know i called NR to say that i coudnt make it to the BL meeting and i told her that i was going to the hospital. i guess that was part of my dream also. thinking that i did it but in actual reality i didnt.
sonebody pls tell me that i really did call NR to say tht i was feeling unwell.
i am starting to lose it, seriously.

trying to look on the brightside, maybe, just maybe things need to get worse before it can get better. i just hope that this is one of those instances that lfe spirals downwards before picking itself up again.
i just really hope it is.
cos rite now i feel like an empty shell driven by whats left of the ghost of me.
and i dont know who to call for help cos i dont know what to say to them.

someone PLEASE help me.
i just cant take it anymore.