i've been at home since friday, not allowed out cause im having the flu. notihng to do except read books ia heve already read a gazillion times over.
lucky for me, mommy borrowed some harry potter books recently from the library.
the titles are, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Harry Poter and the Deathly Hallows. i thought it would take ages to finish those thre seemingly thick books but, surprise of surprises, i have read them all completely and even read the Deathly Hallows twice. :)
i completely forgot that i could read fast, my siblings thinks its a nuisance cos i get first pick to read books before they get their hands on it. ahaha. and for that im grateful cos i can act all smug when the fail to complete reading the books in a week and i win bets. i know im one evil sister.:)

however there has ben something nagging at my mind this past few days, feels like i forgotten to do something or go somewhere important, but my memory seems to fail me. can someone help me remember what it was that im supposed to do. my memory is failing me every other day but it fails to erase the past that has been haunting me this long dreadful months. instead it chooses to make me forget fresh memories. makes me feel sicker everday having those horrible flashbacks over and over and over again. god help me.

sometimes i wish someone would do me the honours of bludgeoning me unconcious on the head with something blunt and heavy so i would truly forget who i am and start anew.
however i still thank god for just one more day even though the days are filled with 50% happiness and 50% remorse for the horrible things i've done in the past.




trapped in this shell of depressed remorse, i am