this are the pics of the last few weeks up till today.

i had fun today.

but i know nuruz had more fun then me cos she was witness to my unprecedented behaviour today.

i was totally not myself laa sey.

all thanks to Mr Moon, who cracked me up talking on the phone with him, yesterday night.

I miss him laa sey

=)

and i want to thank Nadd for clearing up some matters with me regarding my Mr Moon

thanks babe =)

im sick, again. haish

hopefully im well enuf to make it to school tomorrow.

if any of u gals notice i've nt been able to attend classes on tuesdays since the year started.

and Nana and Shan told me to stop taking my meds.

i've been at home since friday, not allowed out cause im having the flu. notihng to do except read books ia heve already read a gazillion times over.
lucky for me, mommy borrowed some harry potter books recently from the library.
the titles are, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Harry Poter and the Deathly Hallows. i thought it would take ages to finish those thre seemingly thick books but, surprise of surprises, i have read them all completely and even read the Deathly Hallows twice. :)
i completely forgot that i could read fast, my siblings thinks its a nuisance cos i get first pick to read books before they get their hands on it. ahaha. and for that im grateful cos i can act all smug when the fail to complete reading the books in a week and i win bets. i know im one evil sister.:)

however there has ben something nagging at my mind this past few days, feels like i forgotten to do something or go somewhere important, but my memory seems to fail me. can someone help me remember what it was that im supposed to do. my memory is failing me every other day but it fails to erase the past that has been haunting me this long dreadful months. instead it chooses to make me forget fresh memories. makes me feel sicker everday having those horrible flashbacks over and over and over again. god help me.

sometimes i wish someone would do me the honours of bludgeoning me unconcious on the head with something blunt and heavy so i would truly forget who i am and start anew.
however i still thank god for just one more day even though the days are filled with 50% happiness and 50% remorse for the horrible things i've done in the past.




trapped in this shell of depressed remorse, i am

im down with the flu and have been sleeping ever since i got home. now im wide awake and i have nothing to do. boredom is gna kill me someday.

-_____________-'

bye

made it to school and did not fall asleep in any of my lectures. YEAY for me xD
life was perfectly normal today, no big surprises nor were there any sad incidents. yet i still feel exhausted even though i did not do anything physically demanding.

aniways, PAC will be somewhere late this year and im thinking of performing but the sound system totally sucks, like it sucks balls during its free time thats why it sucks sooo much. xD. i asked for my uncle's opinion on this and he said that dont bother performing if the sound system sucks soo much cos it will ruin the quality of ur performance.
hell, i ain't no great singer but i would like if my performance were to be averagely nice and not suck soo much cos of the sound system.

then i was thinking of performing during the national day celebrations but idk what song to sing, and Fafa said that she can book a slot for me if i really wanted to perform. must make up my mind though cos i no i ain't a great singer. :)

does him saying this;

" mayb when the tym and atmosphere is rite, i wanna be more than just a fren to u "

means he has confessed his feelings towards me and he really likes me cos im unable to think now ppl. im positively denser than dense, my brain that is xD
and all this started becos of a simple msg. how quaint :)

i was absolutely happy, like my-heart-about-to-jump-out-of-my-chest kind of happy.
and very few people can make my heart go berserk and make me feel as if i am not suffering.

i'll list out all the qualities i want in my man
1) he understands me
2) he is responsible
3) he should have patience
4) he cares for me
5) he can make me happy beyond words
and the most important quality is ...
6) he should be able to bring out the best in me w/o even trying

with all these 6 qualities achieved, for me, love is already underrated


huge butterflies in my tummy

this gorgeous girl here is my best cousin and she made my day today.

even though i was forced to come to the wedding despite being sick. she made it worth the effort of dragging my feet in those killer heels of mine. all three inches worth. mom made me do it

-_______-'

F.Y.I

for those bloghopping and happen to come across this entry, do not bother asking for her number cos she is happily attached :)

have a nice day ppl

i feel empty yet full of life every now and then

migraine again.
gosh this is killing me man
and im supposed to be at my cuzzins wedding.
wearing that beautiful red baju kurung, the one that i wore when i went out with the gfs during hari raya. girls.. remember that baju kurung. u girls said that cars would stop for me if i stand by the side of the road. ahaha. xD
i have nothing better to do 'cept the house chores, namely the laundry.
prolly will bath my cats.
yes. all SIX of them
and i know whats coming to me.

Lucky will be a good kitty and behave :)
Baby will try an escape the water but will behave soon :)
Gegerl will blow my ear drums out with her constant whining :)
Comot will run around the bathroom, causing ME to slip and fall if im unlucky :)
Boboi will try to bite and scratch me once, then he'll just let me wash him but wont stop staring at me with murder in his eyes :)
and lastly Fudge,
Fudge will run around the bathroom, scratch and whine all the while :)
so , yeah.
my day will be EXTREMELY wonderful today
-__________-'
bleaghs!!

im soo effingly bored, was sposed to go out todae but sadly my fren had chores to do, important chores. namely washing his police uniform. i dun mind at all actuali. its just tht i have nothing to do. my mom asked me to come over to my granny's house to help with the preparation of my cuzzin's wedding tml. i have no mood to go over, i see no point in it. i hardly know who he is just the fact that he is my cuzzin does not mean i have to be there, when he has never been there for us. we cuzzins help each other alot 'cept for him. i know im being mean cos after all he is family but just dont feel like coming over cos i just dont want to. it shud be enuf for me to cme tml and be present and pretty for the wedding itself.

its days like these tht make me feel very unsure bout myself, id rather go somewhere then be left at home thinking bout my life then, all those stupid mistakes i made and all the hurt i have caused others. everyone says dont think bout the past too much and forget bout it since it is in the past. but one can never run away from one's past. it will cme hunting us sooner or later. mine just came sooner then expected. at 8teen i have depression along with insomnia and an eating disorder. my physical health has also been affected some sort. but i thank god everyday of my life cos i have ppl tht help me thru this phase and they are giving me all the support i need and when i need it.

god has seen it fit that i get a second chance and imma grab that chance and live my life to the fullest. beginning with recovering from this mental illness that i have.


i thank you for just one more day

tdae has been an uneventful one.
sick again
didna go to school and cudnt go and watch the bedok bandits play soccer cos i was sick luhh
boring? it was damn boring man.
hmmm......

just now went to CP to but a new rice cooker with mommy and daddy and my handsome lil brother ( NR & NZ, certainly said so :) )

and thts about it, here some pics taken of my brother,

MEOW!!!!

Watch & enjoy :)

woke up freaking early in the morning, and the first thing i did was rushing to the toilet and vomitted. perfect start to my morning. -_____-' bleaghs

then went back to sleep, thinking the nausea will wash over and i will be able to go to school todae, i was wrong.

woke up again at arnd five plus with a splitting headache which mommy called migraine. she said i shud rest at home today but if i feel better i cn still go to school. so i hoped tht it will get better by late morning, so i went back to sleep.

late morning,

woke up and the room spun, i was having doube vision thanks to the migraine, everything else seemed to have a nonexistent twin by its side, incl the fan and everything else in my room.

i got up from bed, stubbornly refusing to succumb to my nausea, and tripped over D's sneakers and fell face first to the floor,

groaning, i just lay there cursing myself and went back to sleep.

and woke up again in the aftn feeling alot better, but it was too late to go to school cos it was oreadi two plus in the aftn. pfffffft!!

im effingly tired

bye

today went over to my aunt's house to learn to make a cake. it was fun and informative ( i guess ), well the pics below are of the mini cakes i and my mom made, with instructions from my aunt.:)

after spreading the cream all over.

after decoration, it doesnt look like much cos we forgot to buy the decoration otw over to my aunt's xD

the cake abit senget if u noticed =D

the four finished mini cakes. delicious right??

damn!!
im am soo effing bored lah seyy
nothing to do.
wanted to watch Hannibal, thats like on rite now but dun have the mood to..

aniwaes,
u readers rmbr the news bout this 8 teenage girls beating up another teenage gerl??
well i found the video and it just is sick to beat up a defenceless person and post it on the internet. sick and stupid. and sadistic

watch the vid then curse at the teenagers
xD

then u watch the second vid bout how some ppl think of the vid =)

stayed at home today, cos i overshot my curfew by an hour. ;)
and spent my time doing up this new skin.

ystd,
i went to bedok with SH and Sarah, to watch the bedok bandits play soccer.
it was fun luhh cos they were super nice and very talkable (?).
it has been quite a long time since i last hang out with SH and it was fun cos she was her usual blur self. ahaha.

&&& tml my cus is getting married and i have to come down, not that i don't want to but i have to since he is my cuz, 'cept that he is an ex-gangstar and im worried that when his friends come down one of them might recognize me and my cover will be blown. as far as im concerned, my parents dunno that i have those type of friends.
biting my nails till the wedding is over i tell you.
but my future cuz-in-law is pretty lah seyy.
jealous oreadi myra
ahaha.

however they have a kid oreadi, my nephew, and he is damn cute lah seyy
hehehe, talking like NA oreadi lah seyy

truckloads of love :)

spent half an hour doing the new skin, out of boredom really.
looks kinda like my first one 'cept tht it has a picture intsd of just lines and borders and stuff.

yeah i guess iym done
and i feel a tiny bit better but still weak.

XOXOXO

unwell

the medicine has been giving me heart pains this past few days and it has left me really weak.

i thought i went to the hospital for an emergency checkup, but in reality i didnt,
i thought i had dressed to go for the checkup, alone, but in reality i didnt.
i thought i had stepped out of the house, but in reality i didnt.
it was all a dream, a very vivid dream.
this dreams i have been having are starting to scare the life out of me.
i know i called NR to say that i coudnt make it to the BL meeting and i told her that i was going to the hospital. i guess that was part of my dream also. thinking that i did it but in actual reality i didnt.
sonebody pls tell me that i really did call NR to say tht i was feeling unwell.
i am starting to lose it, seriously.

trying to look on the brightside, maybe, just maybe things need to get worse before it can get better. i just hope that this is one of those instances that lfe spirals downwards before picking itself up again.
i just really hope it is.
cos rite now i feel like an empty shell driven by whats left of the ghost of me.
and i dont know who to call for help cos i dont know what to say to them.

someone PLEASE help me.
i just cant take it anymore.

here are more pics. enjoy ;)

zoo escapade

the collage on top consists of all the animals that i took pics of, there was one scene tht happened during our zoo escapade. it happened at the chimpanzee enclosure.

NZ wanted to throw some litter in a bin near where we were sitting, watching the chimpanzees, and on the short walk there she noticed something happening ( idk what also ). so she called us to take a look at it, if im nt wrong it has something to do with the baby chimp ( kawaii-ne ), so NA made a dash to see what was gg on tht excited NR soo much. and all of a sudden the mommy chimp grabbed her baby chimp and charged at NA & NZ. tht action got NZ scared to throw her litter and i had to do it. pffft. hee.

after tht whole debacle with the mommy chimp, we girls just cudnt get enuf of it, cos it was just damn hilarious. hahahaha.

on the way out of the enclosure, i cud not resist but to make "catcalls" at the mommy chimp to see what wud happen. and u ppl wud not have believed what happened next, like seriously. even the gfs and i did not expect the mommy chimp to react the way she did. hahahaha.

answering to my catcalls, she puffed up her body and charged towards us ( i think she wud have wanted to jump over the fence and give us hell but thank god for us there was a moat separating the fence from the enclosure. phew ) and in a chimp way, i guess, she 'maki' us by lifting her arm in a vaguely rude fashion, if she knew how to use her middle finger she wud have and IMAGINE what that wud have looked like. pfffft!!

after tht episode, we went over to KFC to have our lunch.

the second collage above is of us playing the numbers game tht NA wanted us to play, it was fun yet disgusting cos we made a concoction with the left over food. and if im nt wrong it consists of the following ingredients:

cheesefries+mash potatoes+coke+hundred plus+ice lemon tea+abit of OR fillet burger+chilli sauce= taste like vomit kinda concoction xD.

the above was for the first session of the game at the zoo, the second one happened at sentosa and for tht concoction the ingredients were:

SEAWATER+twisties+prawncrackers+cheesepotatochips+another kind of cracker

all mixed together and the forfeit was to swallow the amt of concoction given. to me the thing tasted like, a vodka shot , sort of. and i dun even like vodka shots. -__-'

if u look closely at the collage, you can see all of our priceless faces while attempting the forfeit. you ppl will surely LMAO or just go. hahahahah.

candid pictures taken at the zoo :)

the picture above is taken of i'd say the most popular animal at the zoo, the darling POLAR BEAR. despite its size, measuring as tall as 3m, it was still cute and cuddly and oh-so-adorable. heee. it was seriously manje like me. pffft!. the way it played with its toys as a way to entertain us and the way it somehow knew we were entertained with its lovable antics. and also the way it came up close to the glass as if it knew, we were taking pictures of it. OMG IT IS JUST SO KAWAII-NE. heee.

i know i was sposed to update about the sentosa trip that NR & MD & i went to. but im just plain lazy. the picture above is of the show we caught after our mand-mande session. Songs of the Sea. the show was okay since i like special effects. there were lasers and the works happening. the laser backdrop was tht of the night sky and the constant stream of water tht seemed to blanket the sky. there was one part where this fire demon or something came out and fireballs came out of somewhere on the stage and could we feel the heat emanating from the fireballs. seriously felt the heat, my hair was already dry and coarse from staying too long in theseawater, and the effect just made it more drier and more coarser. pfffft.

thts about the only thing i enjoyed from the show, the special effects that is. heee

tml will be gg to the zoo with the gfs and i soo cant wait for that, must make sure tht my cammy batts are full and the memory in the card is enuf to take pics at the outing tml.

i took 5o pics on during the sentosa outing and that was only with three ppl, namely me, NR and MD, and with six ppl tml, who knows how many pics will be taken and that will not be of the animals. im pretty sure of that. :)