i must be the only girl alive who's angry and upset over the new year. upset with myself mostly. my inability to make decisions. my constant frustration with everything else.
sister is over at vivo, performing while I'm here at home sulking and in general being freaking angry with myself. i may also be those very few people who welcomed the new year with angry tears running down my face.
i don't know how many god damn times i changed my god damn mind. i missed the chance to meet him because i refuse to text him again asking him to accompany me. and I'm stupidly crying over my mistake. I'm crying also because sister is out having fun while I'm here at home thinking why i was even born. gaahs. i have no friends here in woodlands and even if there were, I'd still be alone.
as for the resolutions, fuck it.
fuck everything else. I'm gonna take 2009 in my own stride. screw what people think. i'm so done pleasing people all the time. always having to be the one who is thoughtful of others. always being selfish to myself. i don't know how many times I've been used.
accept everything that comes my way, take it in my own stride and screw what people think. and I'm totally done making excuses for others.
and i wish he would read my blog someday and realise what he meant to me.
i feel like I've been running for a long time because there's no one on the other side to me stop me.
and I'm still crying my angry frustrated tears.
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