When there's good food.....

I'm at my uncle's house right now. A gathering for his wedding anniversary plus a surprise mini birthday celebration for my babybro. As usual, the food is great and the company even greater. Babysis and me are planning a trip to LA next year. So far 5 people are joining for the trip. Myself, sister, two of my cousins and babysis's bf. We'll be going in late May cos that would be the best time to go since the weather in LA would be less wet. Perfect time to be visiting Venice beach and enjoying the nightlife without worrying of getting caught in the rain. I'm really hoping that this trip will succeed. I'm now using the massage chair that my uncle has and enjoying a movie as well. Till the next time. ;)

a metamorphosis?

it has been slightly more than two weeks, i think. i dont keep track of the dates nor the days nowadays 'cos the more important ones have been stored in memory. 

anyways. i have had quite a battle with myself this two weeks and a lot of decisions have been made, final decisions.

first, the decision to study has to be cancelled, maybe for the time being. 'cos my family needs the money and with me studying i can barely cover my own expenses and what with my family depending on me heavily for that extra financial help made me decide to just stick to my current job and fervently hope ilast until they post me out. shouldn't be that bad since some officers have served longer in woodlandsand they are still around. so yeah, gonna make this my job. career, not so much cos there's not much prospect as long as i get increments every year i'm all good. getting promoted over the years would be good enough for me too.

as for the exboy and the money he owes. well lets just say im not gonna ask. despite what others have adviced me to do, which is to ask from him the money he owes since he said he willl pay me back bit by bit. i just don't want to face the prospect of having to deal with him because of this money thing. if he's the man he sayshe was then he will pay me back without constant reminders from me, if not then i have been in love with a boy who thinks himself a man then. 

and that's that. i've not been one to dally after exes and mosdef not gonna change that habit for this one. however i still appreciate  the advice my closest of friends gave me. 

and,
my r/ship with my sister has been repaired, not fully though. just enough for me to overlook her selfishness. she knows that too and with that i hope that she'll change for the better over the years. well she isn't getting any younger as well.

it's already october and the year is  coming to a close soon. 2011 has been so-so for me thus far and here's hoping 2012 will be slightly brighter.

and i'm thinking of creating my own website but i don't have the time as of yet.

well, good day world!

i need a miracle to happen.

i should really just delete this blog of mine. i have neither a working desktop or laptop at home and it's been two whole months since i last updated. even that wasn't a real update.

i just have a lot on my plate this past few months.

i just broke up with my boyfriend. like finally. yet i cant forget him as of yet 'cos he owes me money. he says he'll pay bit by bit starting next month but we'll see about that.

my grandma is in hospital cos she fell in the toilet, she's recovering. that i'm glad about, a little spot of sunshine in my rather dark life this past few months.

work for me is getting more and more annoying, ridiculously so. if i had higher qualifications i would have left long ago but alas, i have only a higher nitec cert and most private companies prefer diplomas. this made me want to further my studies. take up a pharmaceutical sciences course or somewhere along those lines but the course fee for a foundation cert plus a degree course will need me to save up at least 50k. that is way too much even for me. i can save up for the foundation studies but for the degree itself, would take me years.

familial responsibilities have also played a part in my decision to postpone my studies. even though my parents have no problem with me wanting to further my studies, i just feel bad 'cos they'll have to work slightly longer so as to help financially if i ever need it and that's the thing i most want not to happen at all.

i just can't stand working at my current workplace anymore. that's the main reason why i'm finally deciding to continue my studies.

thank goodness my parents will never nag about marriage to me, no pressure there and after the last relationship. i'm definitely not going to get attached anytime soon. its about time i love myself instead of loving someone who does not deserve any ounce of it. he made me feel and look like an idiot for 3 whole years.

father is recovering from a knee injury and has not work for almost two whole months. he wants to change jobs but his supervisor won't let him 'cos he is their most valuable and best worker. i hope they can find a solution for him if they want father to stay long.

what else is new eh, i'm not talking to my sister, for real. not unless she changes and stops being selfish. she may not realise or notice at all but she is still selfish. i guess i couldn't take it anymore seeing her behave that way, i feel disappointed that i wasn't a better role model for her. it got me very disappointed that at her age she's not mature yet. whatever lah okay, as long as she's happy being that way then i'll no longer try to interfere and change her. talking to her will make it more worse and i find that i have a brief respite of tension to deal with at home.

bottom line is, if she's happy then i'm no longer gonna try. just hope that she can deal with not talking to me in the longest time. i've not spoken to her in over a week. mean, i know but i feel better this way 'cos i don't have to deal with her drama.

i even went as far as telling her that i'll be forgoing the LA trip with her next year. that was the hardest thing to do 'cos we've always gone on holidays together. i just hope she's happy now.

gosh, this felt so good on a level. it has been a long while since i blogged like this. however this doesn't mean my problems are over, i still need to really think through my decision on furthering my studies. i seriously don't know if i should go for what i want or what's best for the family. being the eldest sucks sometimes, especially since i could have made better decision in the forgotten past.

i wish some rich muslim man would just sweep me off my feet and marry me. then i have less of a burden since i can quit my job, become a housewife and just take care of my family, plain and simple as any wish goes.

but that's never gonna happen in my lifetime, who would want me huh, i'm just an average girl.

Adele

sums up my two weeks so far and yes it has all got to do with a single significant person. I'm back to being confused.

changes.... i hope.

afternoon world!

this week for me has been rather miserable. the reasons are the usual ones which are work and my r/ship has gotten me feeling that way. however, rather important decisions has been made. at least i think so.

i just need to keep my mind off of him and with me starting to coach my cousin with her english i definitely think its a start as good as any. as of right now my mind is busy thinking of lesson plans. im not a teacher by any means cos i cant teach people. i just work with what i ahve and since my cousin's english is above average i find it quite easy to coach her. she is just a little bit rough with her vocab and grammar other that that everything else is perfect. i hope in a few months she can learn to correct her own english. my methods arent conventional by any means but i find it effective cos thats how i improved my english.

her first lesson went pretty well cos she has already started to point out her mistakes and so im hoping for the best. her next lesson will be this coming friday, a trip to the library to help her with her vocabulary.

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work, well work has been work. nothing new and i dont expect anything remarkably good to happen since people can be so ignorant about border security. i just hate looking at their arrogant ignorant faces. and more often than not im always in a bad mood when clearing those arrogant idiots. and i always hate it when they throw their passports and snatch it back when im done. if i didnt have to support the family i would have resigned and chosena a more fulfilling job. preferably one where im working around animals but too bad im not that educated, not in singapore's standards where everything has to have paper qualification higher than ITE, so baically im stuck with the current job that i have.

enoguh about work, im beginning to get angsty.

************

as for my confusing r/ship, let's just say im leaving that to him and fate cos i am so tired of having to think so hard to keep the r/ship working for us and when i feel that he's clearly not trying. sometimes im too patient for my own good.

im just running out of options i guess. if he thinks im no longer good enough or if he doesnt feel the same about me then thats fine with me. i'd prolly cry and feel miserable for a few weeks before moving on. cos all i seem to be doing lately is pissing him off. and when he didnt reply to my msg last weekend i just shut down.

if God Almighty thinks we're meant to be together then we'll prolly be together in the future.

well thats it for today. here's to more peaceful nights.