todae...i had a break down in skool ( of all places )...all because i was so fucking stressed...i was unable to do the practical test and got all stressed up becos of that, stupid ain't it...hmmm...i won't score for any more of my future tests becos i cant seem to concentrate when iym at skool or wen i try to revise at home, wat the point of me coming for and atending lessons if my brain isnt really absorbing wat iym learning and keeping it there, sure i can do it but wen i want to revise at night, it just goes out the window like...WHOOSH!


i was so frustrated, damn frustrated.....and losing my independence becos of my depression is the one thing that hurts me most, i have always been independent and always there for others even if it meant burdening myself with their problems, the mistake that i made was to listen to anyone who has problems but that has got to change someway or the other becos it is soo not helping my depression get better, in fact i'd say my depression is getting worse and worse....and fruther more iym stil waiting for my psychie to call so i can start my treatment posthaste becos i need it now more than ever after this morning's emotional scene....


i dun knw why but iym a private sort of person and am soo not use to telling people my problems or darkset secrets, even to peole who are the closest to me but i have to change this mindset of mine for the better lest i risk losing friends that havc been there for me all this while.
does it make me a monster becos iym not used to sharing but onli used to listening to others, does it makes me a freak becos of this disease that iym burdened with...not only am i burdening my parents but everyone else around me,


oh... wen will my bout with depression end? i am still waitng for my psychie to give me a call for treatment.....


I WANT THIS TO END SOO BADLY, IYM SICK OF PRETENDING TO BE HApPY WEN IYM SO OBVIOUSLY NOT & I DUN WANT TO BE HAPPY ONLI FOR A MOMENT BUT FOR THAT HAPPINESS TO LAST



gawd!!!iym such a freaking monster

somebody just push from the top of a building to make this pain go away and never return.